June is LGBT PRIDE MONTH. We should be productive and help those people that are anti- gay about anything, become more aware of the Gay Community. Let's take the time this month to educate those around us about the LGBT Community, who we are, what we do and how all we want to do is live our lives in peace and not in fear. Please take an hour, a day or even a week this month. Open up your show/blog to this topic, since it is the month for awareness for all LGBT people in this country who just want what everyone else has: their human rights to live in this country as all other people do.
Excellent idea! It has been said that gay people are more accepted in this country not just because of the tireless efforts of activists, but because more and more "ordinary" people have come out of the closet. The more people who know that they have a gay relative, friend or co-worker, especially one whom they like and admire, the better the chances for acceptance. It is hoped that bloggers, gay and straight, will address this issue.
I recognize that some people, especially young people who may live at home with homophobic parents, can't come out. But I do get tired of excuses from older people who make their own living. One of the worst excuses is "I can't hurt my parents." How is coming out going to hurt your parents? It may educate them instead. Besides, many parents already know that their children are gay [I mean a 55 year-old-man who hasn't been on a date with a woman in thirty years -- come on!].
If you come out you may get razzed by co-workers or you may enlighten them, and discover that some friends and co-workers you never even suspected were gay -- it does happen -- will come out of the closet as well.
Anti-gay prejudice was particularly rife in those days when people thought the gay community only consisted of "a few guys in Greenwich Village." But there are millions of us. The more Out and Proud people there are in our community, the better for all of us. I understand that some people think of it as a private issue, but by hiding their sexuality they're missing an opportunity to provide support to gay acquaintances and education to straight ones. And let's make it clear that by coming out you are not discussing the intimate details of your sex life anymore than a person is who declares him or herself as hetero.
And we need to deal with those masses of fringe homosexuals who live in the closet, pretend they are straight, and just can't bring themselves to identify as gay due to deep-rooted shame and guilt. Some of these people immerse themselves in gay culture but still can't come out of the closet. If you know someone like that, suggest they get counseling. At least talk to them. Tell them It's Okay to Be Gay!
There are many gay/LGBT bloggers out there, many of whom are anonymous, some of whom are out, like me. I recognize that the Internet can seem like a big, scary place and some people are afraid to put themselves -- their real selves -- out there in cyberspace, but at least on one post during Gay Pride month these bloggers should identify themselves. I mean how can you talk about Gay Pride and remain anonymous. as if you've got something to be ashamed of?
Showing posts with label homosexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homosexuality. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Was Michael Jackson a Transsexual?
Was Michael Jackson transsexual? Anon.
Well it might explain a lot if he was. According to biographers, new evidence is coming out that he engaged in sexual relationships with men, so it is quite possible that Jackson was homosexual. If he ever spoke to anyone in regards to realignment surgery -- in other words, about getting a sex change -- that may eventually come out. Until then, there's no way to know for certain. Jackson's increasing "feminization" may have been part theatrical, part stereotypically gay, part glamour -- or it may have been that he genuinely felt he was a woman in a man's body. So Jackson may well have been an unacknowledged transsexual. If he was gay, he was certainly not out of the closet, and was probably plagued with issues of self-hatred. I doubt if he would have felt much better about himself if he were transsexual. All of his surgeries and cosmetic changes (and cosmetics) made him kind of edgy, but apparently he was only willing to go so far. Raised in an environment where people just didn't talk about such subjects as homosexuality [romantic and physical attraction towards your own sex] and transsexualism [being a different gender than the one you were biologically born into], Jackson was probably quite confused.
In any case, it is doubtful that (especially during his most successful periods) he would have come out as either gay or transsexual for fear that he would lose his fan base.
Had he lived, who knows how he might have identified in the future?
Well it might explain a lot if he was. According to biographers, new evidence is coming out that he engaged in sexual relationships with men, so it is quite possible that Jackson was homosexual. If he ever spoke to anyone in regards to realignment surgery -- in other words, about getting a sex change -- that may eventually come out. Until then, there's no way to know for certain. Jackson's increasing "feminization" may have been part theatrical, part stereotypically gay, part glamour -- or it may have been that he genuinely felt he was a woman in a man's body. So Jackson may well have been an unacknowledged transsexual. If he was gay, he was certainly not out of the closet, and was probably plagued with issues of self-hatred. I doubt if he would have felt much better about himself if he were transsexual. All of his surgeries and cosmetic changes (and cosmetics) made him kind of edgy, but apparently he was only willing to go so far. Raised in an environment where people just didn't talk about such subjects as homosexuality [romantic and physical attraction towards your own sex] and transsexualism [being a different gender than the one you were biologically born into], Jackson was probably quite confused.
In any case, it is doubtful that (especially during his most successful periods) he would have come out as either gay or transsexual for fear that he would lose his fan base.
Had he lived, who knows how he might have identified in the future?
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Gay Teens Go Straight?
Is it possible for a person to have homosexual experiences in youth, say as a teenager in high school or in college, yet grow up to be entirely straight? Anon.
No. Playing "doctor" during the prepubescent period is one thing, but actual gay sexual experiences after puberty-- in high school and in college (!) yet -- is something else. A young person who is gay may decide to live a straight or closeted life due to shame -- internalized homophobia -- or religious, societal or parental pressure -- but gay feelings simply don't just disappear. Bisexual advocates will suggest that a person who is more gay-active in youth may become more straight-active as he or she gets older (again, this could be due to internalized homophobia even if the person is legitimately bi) but they will still have a same-sex attraction. Despite the homophobic propaganda put out by ex-gay groups such as Exodus, a person who enjoys homosexual relationships at any age will never be 100% hetero.
But it's okay to be gay!
No. Playing "doctor" during the prepubescent period is one thing, but actual gay sexual experiences after puberty-- in high school and in college (!) yet -- is something else. A young person who is gay may decide to live a straight or closeted life due to shame -- internalized homophobia -- or religious, societal or parental pressure -- but gay feelings simply don't just disappear. Bisexual advocates will suggest that a person who is more gay-active in youth may become more straight-active as he or she gets older (again, this could be due to internalized homophobia even if the person is legitimately bi) but they will still have a same-sex attraction. Despite the homophobic propaganda put out by ex-gay groups such as Exodus, a person who enjoys homosexual relationships at any age will never be 100% hetero.
But it's okay to be gay!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Gay Men and Porn
Are gay men more interested in porn than straight men? Anon.
I don't know of any studies being done on this (what a waste of time and money!) but I'd be willing to bet that gay men are no more interested in pornography than straight men are. Why should they be? Some men (and women) are very stimulated by pornography and use it to enhance their sex lives -- or as a substitute. Other men have vivid imaginations and don't even need porn for stimulation. And there are men, gay and straight, who have no particular interest in pornography at all. True, you can sometimes see gay porn on the TV screen in a gay bar, while -- to my knowledge, at least -- you never see straight porn in a straight singles bar -- undoubtedly because some of the female customers (and some guys) might find it sexist and objectionable -- but straight porn is certainly shown at bachelor and stag parties and in certain For (straight) Men Only clubs.
I don't know of any studies being done on this (what a waste of time and money!) but I'd be willing to bet that gay men are no more interested in pornography than straight men are. Why should they be? Some men (and women) are very stimulated by pornography and use it to enhance their sex lives -- or as a substitute. Other men have vivid imaginations and don't even need porn for stimulation. And there are men, gay and straight, who have no particular interest in pornography at all. True, you can sometimes see gay porn on the TV screen in a gay bar, while -- to my knowledge, at least -- you never see straight porn in a straight singles bar -- undoubtedly because some of the female customers (and some guys) might find it sexist and objectionable -- but straight porn is certainly shown at bachelor and stag parties and in certain For (straight) Men Only clubs.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tops or Bottoms?
What percentage of gay men are tops and what percentage are bottoms? Anon.
I have never, ahem, actually done a scientific survey on this subject, but I would say it's about evenly divided. Of course there are men who are versatile, both top and bottom, but judging from what I see on gay dating/sex/friendship sites, there don't seem to be as many of them.
I can tell you that in my experience you can't assume the butcher gay men are automatically tops and the "femmes" are bottoms, because sometimes the reverse is true. When two men get together, it's two men getting together -- neither one is the "lady." Men who are bottoms should never feel that they are somehow less male because of it. There are some men who think of themselves as being "straight" because they are always the top when they have sex with another guy -- they're fooling themselves.
And, as usual, I remind everyone to stick to safe sex. This is true even if you are a top. Although there have been fewer cases of HIV infection in men who are tops than bottoms, it does happen. When it comes to anal penetration, always wear a condom.
I have never, ahem, actually done a scientific survey on this subject, but I would say it's about evenly divided. Of course there are men who are versatile, both top and bottom, but judging from what I see on gay dating/sex/friendship sites, there don't seem to be as many of them.
I can tell you that in my experience you can't assume the butcher gay men are automatically tops and the "femmes" are bottoms, because sometimes the reverse is true. When two men get together, it's two men getting together -- neither one is the "lady." Men who are bottoms should never feel that they are somehow less male because of it. There are some men who think of themselves as being "straight" because they are always the top when they have sex with another guy -- they're fooling themselves.
And, as usual, I remind everyone to stick to safe sex. This is true even if you are a top. Although there have been fewer cases of HIV infection in men who are tops than bottoms, it does happen. When it comes to anal penetration, always wear a condom.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Homosexual But Not Gay?
Why do so many people who are homosexual not want to identify or be identified as gay? Murray.
Historically there have always been people who were open about their homosexuality, even in the days before the modern-day Gay Rights movement, and I think that today a much higher percentage of gay people than ever before are out of the closet and proudly identify themselves as gay. But you're right that there are still a lot of people who don't, and there are various reasons. The biggest reason is internalized homophobia, a basic shame in being homosexual that can be deeply ingrained in a person's psyche (sadly, even some out-of-the-closet gays can be victimized by self-hatred). These people may be essentially homosexual but they more or less live "straight" lives, getting married and having kids, anything to keep the world at large from knowing the truth about their sexuality. This is certainly true of the many men of all ethnic backgrounds who are on the "down low." They desire men sexually but simply aren't secure and confident enough to think of themselves as gay. One study suggested that married homosexuals have a lack of self-esteem that prevents them from coming out and challenging society's mores.
Then we have people who are bisexually active (sleeping or somehow involved with both sexes) or who at least think of themselves -- rightly or wrongly -- as being bisexual. Despite their same-sex attraction, they don't think of themselves as gay because they are also attracted to -- or are at least sexually, or in some other way, involved -- with the opposite gender. Some of these people are very pro-gay, however, feeling a unity with gays, while others (hypocritically) think of gay men as "fags."
Then we have homosexual men who don't identify as "gay" because they feel they don't conform to the public perception -- or stereotype -- of homosexual men. They are masculine and have no interest in the kinds of things that are supposed to fascinate gay men. They don't relate to "Madonna-loving queens" or have an interest in fashion. Many feel as I do that these men -- rather than saying they don't consider themselves "gay" (although they don't necessarily deny their homosexuality) -- would be better off being "gay" and challenging the stereotypes, helping to make clear that there is a great deal of diversity in the gay community.
Then we have homosexuals who simply prefer other labels because they somehow see themselves as being different from gays who have come before. "Post-gays," or what-not. Some are dealing with gender-identification issues that aren't easily summed up under the word "gay."
And some people just don't like the word "gay" and the frivolousness it implies. But the word, as a code for homosexual, has been around even longer than most people think and seems to be here to stay.
Historically there have always been people who were open about their homosexuality, even in the days before the modern-day Gay Rights movement, and I think that today a much higher percentage of gay people than ever before are out of the closet and proudly identify themselves as gay. But you're right that there are still a lot of people who don't, and there are various reasons. The biggest reason is internalized homophobia, a basic shame in being homosexual that can be deeply ingrained in a person's psyche (sadly, even some out-of-the-closet gays can be victimized by self-hatred). These people may be essentially homosexual but they more or less live "straight" lives, getting married and having kids, anything to keep the world at large from knowing the truth about their sexuality. This is certainly true of the many men of all ethnic backgrounds who are on the "down low." They desire men sexually but simply aren't secure and confident enough to think of themselves as gay. One study suggested that married homosexuals have a lack of self-esteem that prevents them from coming out and challenging society's mores.
Then we have people who are bisexually active (sleeping or somehow involved with both sexes) or who at least think of themselves -- rightly or wrongly -- as being bisexual. Despite their same-sex attraction, they don't think of themselves as gay because they are also attracted to -- or are at least sexually, or in some other way, involved -- with the opposite gender. Some of these people are very pro-gay, however, feeling a unity with gays, while others (hypocritically) think of gay men as "fags."
Then we have homosexual men who don't identify as "gay" because they feel they don't conform to the public perception -- or stereotype -- of homosexual men. They are masculine and have no interest in the kinds of things that are supposed to fascinate gay men. They don't relate to "Madonna-loving queens" or have an interest in fashion. Many feel as I do that these men -- rather than saying they don't consider themselves "gay" (although they don't necessarily deny their homosexuality) -- would be better off being "gay" and challenging the stereotypes, helping to make clear that there is a great deal of diversity in the gay community.
Then we have homosexuals who simply prefer other labels because they somehow see themselves as being different from gays who have come before. "Post-gays," or what-not. Some are dealing with gender-identification issues that aren't easily summed up under the word "gay."
And some people just don't like the word "gay" and the frivolousness it implies. But the word, as a code for homosexual, has been around even longer than most people think and seems to be here to stay.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Gay-Friendly Homophobia
I am a gay man whose best friend for many years is straight. He just found out his son is gay and he isn't dealing with it very well. Frankly, I'm flabbergasted, as he knows I'm well-adjusted and happy. No, he hasn't talked about sending the young man -- he's twenty-four -- in for shock therapy or anything like that, but he keeps trying to convince him he's not gay and gets angry at me when I tell him that his son seems pretty certain. I think this is the end of a long-time friendship. Sam.
Sadly, there are many straight and straight-identified people who -- on an intellectual level -- are perfectly supportive of gays but on a deep down level have issues to deal with, especially when it relates to themselves or their loved ones. Since I assume you've been openly gay with him for years, it's unfortunate to say the least that he can't deal with his own son's sexual orientation, but this is not as uncommon as you may think. Part of it may be his concern for his son's welfare (discrimination) and health (AIDS is still seen by many as a "gay" disease even though it shouldn't be), but I sense that on a deeper level his reaction is blatantly homophobic, especially as he's not being at all supportive of his son.
He may come around when he gets used to the idea. Or he may not. It just goes to show that often gay people are merely tolerated by some straight friends instead of truly being accepted as equals. Don't give up on this long-lasting friendship right away -- tell him how you feel in no uncertain terms -- and be supportive of his son, but if things don't show signs of improving this is one "friend" you can do without. Hopefully his son's coming out may help him to understand you better.
Sadly, there are many straight and straight-identified people who -- on an intellectual level -- are perfectly supportive of gays but on a deep down level have issues to deal with, especially when it relates to themselves or their loved ones. Since I assume you've been openly gay with him for years, it's unfortunate to say the least that he can't deal with his own son's sexual orientation, but this is not as uncommon as you may think. Part of it may be his concern for his son's welfare (discrimination) and health (AIDS is still seen by many as a "gay" disease even though it shouldn't be), but I sense that on a deeper level his reaction is blatantly homophobic, especially as he's not being at all supportive of his son.
He may come around when he gets used to the idea. Or he may not. It just goes to show that often gay people are merely tolerated by some straight friends instead of truly being accepted as equals. Don't give up on this long-lasting friendship right away -- tell him how you feel in no uncertain terms -- and be supportive of his son, but if things don't show signs of improving this is one "friend" you can do without. Hopefully his son's coming out may help him to understand you better.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Unsafe Sex
I'm gay but I can't understand why there are guys who take it up the ass without a condom, who even get ticked off if the top wants to use one? What's up with that? I would never have anal sex without a condom. Jerry.
To put it bluntly, they're nuts -- and so are you if you don't use a condom (glad to hear that you do). Guys like that are playing with fire; even if their sex partners say they're HIV negative doesn't mean they are, or that they've even been tested. I assume these guys have a crazy love of danger, think they're somehow immune to HIV or bad luck, have some kind of death wish, or thrive on taking nutty chances. Some will simply say that it feels better without a condom. Maybe (I'm a top man myself)? But even if the sensation is a bit muted isn't it better if it's safe?
These guys not only don't care about themselves, they don't care about you. Yes, you can contract HIV even if you are a top and have sex with a bottom. If you indulge in anal sex, always use a condom.
Why do these guys take such unnecessary risks (and there are straight guys like this as well as gay guys)? I guess it's all about the thrill, immediate gratification without responsibility. Or sheer stupidity? Younger gay guys did not grow up with dozens of their friends horribly wasting away and dying from AIDS. Older guys figure most of their life is over already, so who cares? They all think that if you contract HIV all you have to do is take a pill. HIV may no longer be a death sentence for most, but there are still serious social, sexual and health complications, and there are quite a few people who do not respond to medications. HIV infection is still a serious matter.
Avoid guys like this. At the very least insist on safe sex and condoms when you''re with them or just walk out the door.
There are plenty of more responsible guys in the gay community.
To put it bluntly, they're nuts -- and so are you if you don't use a condom (glad to hear that you do). Guys like that are playing with fire; even if their sex partners say they're HIV negative doesn't mean they are, or that they've even been tested. I assume these guys have a crazy love of danger, think they're somehow immune to HIV or bad luck, have some kind of death wish, or thrive on taking nutty chances. Some will simply say that it feels better without a condom. Maybe (I'm a top man myself)? But even if the sensation is a bit muted isn't it better if it's safe?
These guys not only don't care about themselves, they don't care about you. Yes, you can contract HIV even if you are a top and have sex with a bottom. If you indulge in anal sex, always use a condom.
Why do these guys take such unnecessary risks (and there are straight guys like this as well as gay guys)? I guess it's all about the thrill, immediate gratification without responsibility. Or sheer stupidity? Younger gay guys did not grow up with dozens of their friends horribly wasting away and dying from AIDS. Older guys figure most of their life is over already, so who cares? They all think that if you contract HIV all you have to do is take a pill. HIV may no longer be a death sentence for most, but there are still serious social, sexual and health complications, and there are quite a few people who do not respond to medications. HIV infection is still a serious matter.
Avoid guys like this. At the very least insist on safe sex and condoms when you''re with them or just walk out the door.
There are plenty of more responsible guys in the gay community.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Gay or Bi?
I am more attracted to men than to women, but I can't see myself living with a man for a lifetime. I don't relate to gay men because I am not effeminate and have no interest in the typical things gay men seem obsessed with, like fashion. Therefore I feel that I must be bisexual instead of gay. Is this correct? What do you think? J in Dallas.
I think you have to realize that the gay community is very diverse and there are many, many gay men who are not effeminate, couldn't care less about fashion, and aren't in the least stereotypical (NOT that there is anything wrong with such men). The vast majority of gay people aren't stereotypical, in fact.
I suppose you could be bi, but it sounds to me as if you're more likely gay and in denial because of your stereotypical notions of gay men. This is fairly common in this age: "I can't be gay because I fill in the blank or because I don't fill in the blank. When you realize that there are many, many gay men like yourself you will hopefully get over this notion that you couldn't possibly have another man as a lifetime partner. [Also remember that bisexuality is generally defined as the ability to fall in love with a member of either sex.] You need to get over your fear of being, or being perceived as, gay. This is what we call internalized homophobia, a self-doubt or self-hated that prevents one from coming fully out of the closet.
Don't worry. Get past stereotypes. You can be very happy as a gay man even if you're not into "fashion." Check out the Bear community, a huge sub-sect of the gay male community full of guys who are generally into stuff that gay men aren't supposed to be into!
I think you have to realize that the gay community is very diverse and there are many, many gay men who are not effeminate, couldn't care less about fashion, and aren't in the least stereotypical (NOT that there is anything wrong with such men). The vast majority of gay people aren't stereotypical, in fact.
I suppose you could be bi, but it sounds to me as if you're more likely gay and in denial because of your stereotypical notions of gay men. This is fairly common in this age: "I can't be gay because I fill in the blank or because I don't fill in the blank. When you realize that there are many, many gay men like yourself you will hopefully get over this notion that you couldn't possibly have another man as a lifetime partner. [Also remember that bisexuality is generally defined as the ability to fall in love with a member of either sex.] You need to get over your fear of being, or being perceived as, gay. This is what we call internalized homophobia, a self-doubt or self-hated that prevents one from coming fully out of the closet.
Don't worry. Get past stereotypes. You can be very happy as a gay man even if you're not into "fashion." Check out the Bear community, a huge sub-sect of the gay male community full of guys who are generally into stuff that gay men aren't supposed to be into!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Welcome!
No, I'm not a doctor. I'm a professional author who's been Out and Proud for many years, and I've seen -- and experienced -- just about everything. I want to share my knowledge with my gay brothers and sisters and other interested parties. Please send your sincere and respectful questions about gay life, homosexuality, and gay people to me at trock4304@mypacks.net. I will respect your privacy and never give out personal information. I will post questions here with my responses --always from a perspective of Gay Pride -- along with comments from readers. Let's go on an enlightening and informative journey together.
MY BACKGROUND:
Counselor for the Mattachine Society during its final years. Media Chairman of New York's Gay Activist Alliance for several years. Co-host/co-producer on Gay Rap, WBAI radio, New York. Writer/Reporter for such gay publications as The Alternate, Philadelphia Gay News, New York Blade and many others. Out and Proud Gay Man for decades. Counseled and interviewed hundreds of gay men of various identifications for over 35 years.
Bill Samuels
NOTE: The Ask Gay "Dr. Bill" blog is for the purposes of entertainment and information. "Dr. Bill" is a nickname. "Dr. Bill" is not a doctor or therapist. Advice from a columnist should never be used as a substitute for professional counseling or therapy for people with serious problems. "Dr. Bill" is not responsible for any consequences of heeding or not heeding his advice; people are always responsible for their own actions.
MY BACKGROUND:
Counselor for the Mattachine Society during its final years. Media Chairman of New York's Gay Activist Alliance for several years. Co-host/co-producer on Gay Rap, WBAI radio, New York. Writer/Reporter for such gay publications as The Alternate, Philadelphia Gay News, New York Blade and many others. Out and Proud Gay Man for decades. Counseled and interviewed hundreds of gay men of various identifications for over 35 years.
Bill Samuels
NOTE: The Ask Gay "Dr. Bill" blog is for the purposes of entertainment and information. "Dr. Bill" is a nickname. "Dr. Bill" is not a doctor or therapist. Advice from a columnist should never be used as a substitute for professional counseling or therapy for people with serious problems. "Dr. Bill" is not responsible for any consequences of heeding or not heeding his advice; people are always responsible for their own actions.
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