Monday, June 24, 2013

Gay Bears and Anal Sex

I noticed that gay bears like anal sex just like other gays. Usually stockier (includes bodybuilders) men eat what I call a "rough diet" from what I understand. So with that in mind, how do bear bottoms "clean" themselves? How are their douching and eating techniques good enough to possibly enjoy anal sex? One time when I wasn't 100% clean, the doors wouldn't even open. Thank you for answering my dated, oblivious [?] question.
Okayyyy ...  well this is probably a dated and obvious -- or even oblivious -- answer, but I assume bears take thorough showers like everyone else. Even men with hair both outside and inside their ass can do a good job of cleaning themselves with plenty of soap and a strong stream of water. In between showers things are a bit more problematic, but if you're going to take someone home with you and think there may be a problem, you can suggest you both shower both before sex and after. If you're referring to what your penis might encounter on its way up a rectum, well -- again, that's what condoms and showers [not golden showers, which is something else] are for. If a "rough diet" includes roughage you might not encounter, shall we say, too much of a bad thing when you're pumping away. It's very rare when you fuck a guy not to occasionally get some, well, crud on your dick [or condom]; sorry.

Bill's Media Watch: Recent "Gay" TV Characters

Well, I'm not certain I'd call the characters on the shows Revenge [ABC] and The Following [Fox] gay or sexually ambiguous -- rather they seem to be gay only when the script calls for it.

Revenge, which was created by Mike Kelley and just finished its second season, deals with a young woman, Emily, who ruthlessly gets even with anyone who had a hand in framing and killing her innocent father. He was accused of being a terrorist and of downing a plane with hundreds of people aboard [these people and their grieving relatives seem rarely if ever to be mentioned].

There are no actual out and proud gay characters on this supposedly hip program. There was a nutty, now-deceased fellow who told his girlfriend he slept with another character, Nolan, only as a power play -- he wasn't gay [sure]. As for Nolan, played by Gabriel Mann, it's hard to know what to make of him. I don't know anything of Mann's private life, but he plays the supposedly bisexual character as if he were channeling every soap opera diva he'd ever seen, including Joan Collins. He's not a bad actor, but you have to take his Nolan with a large grain of salt. He acts so swish at times that when they gave Nolan an alleged romance with a woman it was so unconvincing as to be laughable, and the two actors had little erotic chemistry. I don't recall Nolan going to bed with this gal, and the only man we ever have seen him with is the aforementioned psychopath [an ex-boyfriend briefly appeared], but both of them wound up dead, so maybe getting involved with Nolan is slightly dangerous to your health. In the first season the wimpy Nolan allowed himself to be bossed around shamefully by the often tyrannical Emily, whom he calls "Ems" -- isn't that precious [although even some of the straight male characters have followed suit]? During the second season he seemed to develop some balls as regards to Emily -- just as he was falling for a female  -- making you wonder what kind of message the show is supposed to be sending -- assuming a program like Revenge has enough on its mind to send any kind of message. In any case, Revenge  is getting too complicated and moving too far away from its central premise, and Nolan remains an irritating character. Revenge seems determined to avoid any real gay relationships, be they healthy or dysfunctional, and so far the only "queer" characters have been either mentally disturbed or blatantly stereotypical. [We won't even go into the nasty gal, almost an evil lesbian, who claimed she was having an affair with another female character, but supposedly wasn't.] Bad show, Kelley.

Things are even stranger on The Following, which was created by openly gay screenwriter Kevin Williamson. The premise of the show, which is intriguing, is that a certain charismatic serial killer named Joe Carroll has developed a cult of equally sociopathic sycophants, who have infiltrated society and the police force and will do anything he tells him, including murdering his enemies. It would have been nice had Williamson included a gay FBI agent [not a white bread character, necessarily, but at least someone heroic], but he probably thought he was being unpredictable by going another route. Two of "followers" are assigned to keep watch on Carroll's ex-wife by pretending to be a gay couple next door, only neither are gay. [Apparently playing gay will make them seem less threatening or something.] Only it turns out that at least one of the two guys is attracted to the other, and is becoming accepting of his homosexuality, while the other one, who also seems to be attracted to his "partner," is in denial [or could be another supposedly bisexual character]. Anyway, as the show wound up its first season earlier this year, the conflicted partner murdered the gay one [his first kill was of the man who loved him], supposedly to keep him out of the hands of the police, but is also on the outs with his former girlfriend. The trouble with The Following is that many members of the following seem much too intelligent and together to be members of a cult, as such groups mostly attract utter losers. Another problem is that the "queer" characters on the show are all seriously disturbed or full of old-fashioned self-hatred. Admittedly, their sexual orientation may not be responsible for their sick psychology, but even so. . .  Flawed human beings are one thing, psychos another. Williamson may be going somewhere with this, but I won't be around for the second season to find out. Plenty of drama could have been worked up by having a gay FBI agent; substituting a couple of murderous freaks is hardly the way to go. Bad show, Williamson.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Boyfriend with Financial Issues

I am a 47-year-old gay man, healthy, in good shape, told I'm attractive. I have been dating a man in his late thirties. People have told me that the age difference is not very apparent, and it doesn't seem to make any difference anyway. I think we are a realistic couple; he is attractive but not so gorgeous that he is out of my league. I make more money than he does, but that's no problem. Now and then I'll pick up a check; he does not encourage it. Just a while ago he asked me to move in with him to his house -- we would be a couple -- but it seems there was a stipulation. He told me that the house needed many repairs, some cosmetic, some not, and asked me to pay for them, his rationale being that this would be my home, too, and that if by any chance I should outlive him the house would become mine, as he was leaving it to me in my will. None of this sounds all that unreasonable but I confess I was a little put out. I hadn't even made up my mind to move in and already he's asking me to put in a significant amount of money into the house, many thousands of dollars. I can afford it, but I'm worried. It just makes me feel that maybe my being a little well-off as compared to him is what really matters to him. I should say that he works, has some money in the bank, and our sex life is more than adequate. Maybe I'm just lonely ... what do you think? He also wants to go to a bear meet but indicated that I would have to pay for both of us.

Paying for home repairs when you're just embarking on a committed relationship [after dating for a short while, I imagine?]  is a little sticky, especially if most of the problems are merely cosmetic. It is possible he sees you paying for the repairs as a substitute for rent -- you didn't mention it, but lovers rarely are required to pay rent if their partner already lives in a house. Also, he has to pay property taxes on the house, and he may see this as your way of paying your share. [Remind him that fixing up the house will increase the property taxes!]

If your boyfriend is guilty of anything, it's lousy timing. I can well understand why he's got you questioning his motives. What does he want -- a lover, or someone footing the bills? You better sit him down and ask him just what he expects from you. Is he implying or outright stating that you can't move in unless you pay for repairs? Romantic little devil, isn't he?

On the other hand, he does have a point that it will become your home [if not your legal property] once you move in. The whole business with leaving it to you in his will is kind of moot since no one knows at this point who will outlive the other, but it's something.

I think the real problem is that you've haven't made a full commitment to this guy in your heart. Why should you pay "many thousands" of dollars for home improvement if you wind up splitting up with the guy and moving out in a matter of months? Is he willing to pay you back if things don't work out?

I hate to resort to cliches, but as they say, you never know someone until you live with him. Tell him you need a period of adjustment before you can give him a definite answer about the money. It's not that you won't do it, but you have to see how it feels living with him, in this strange house [and, presumably, a different neighborhood?] and so on. There are just so many variables and unknowns -- for both of you.

But handle this delicately. He may be a perfectly nice guy and the two of you might make a damn good fit, both in and out of bed. Just explain that he's being just a little premature. If he's really in love with you he'll be willing to wait. Move in with him if you want, and see what happens. Offer to pay some rent in the meantime so he doesn't think you just want a free place to live!

As for paying for the bear meet, that could also run into significant money, but it's also true that he may not be able to afford it, and equally true that it will be less fun without him  -- make it a loan instead with no hurry to pay it back and see how he reacts. You can always forgive the debt if things work out and sue him for it if it doesn't, LOL.

Good luck!