All my boyfriend ever wants to do is smooch, smooch,smooch, but when I try to do something a little bit sexier, y'know fellatio, analism, he backs off. We get naked, and we make out -- and that's it! He seems very, very attracted to me as I am to him, but I can't figure out why he doesn't want to have sex. When I put it to him he just says, "I really like kissing." Forget about a blow job, he won't even touch my dick. I just can't figure out what's going on? Am I with the wrong guy?
Don't jump to conclusions. There are people who prefer kissing over everything else, but I'd be willing to bet that this guy simply wants to stick to very safe sex. However, the fact that he won't even indulge in mutual masturbation -- totally safe -- is a little odd. It may be that he has an abnormal fear of AIDS [safe -- or at least safer -- sex can include other things besides kissing], or perhaps he's HIV positive and can't bring himself to tell you. [For the record it's very unlikely that HIV can be spread via kissing unless both parties have bleeding gums. Even then it's not a given, just a possibility. Contact GMHC -- Gay Men's Health Crisis -- if you have more questions.]
I suggest you sit down and put the question to him, no matter how awkward it may be. Even if he is HIV positive, you can still enjoy safe sex with one another.
But remember, some people are really into kissing. Enjoy!
Showing posts with label HIV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HIV. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Tops and Condoms
Do "tops" have to wear condoms? Anon.
Yes. Bare-backing is not a good idea either for tops or bottoms. Although it certainly does not occur as often, there have definitely been cases of a top contracting HIV from a bottom partner.
In other words, use condoms whether you're a top, a bottom, or versatile.
Stay safe and have a great time!
Yes. Bare-backing is not a good idea either for tops or bottoms. Although it certainly does not occur as often, there have definitely been cases of a top contracting HIV from a bottom partner.
In other words, use condoms whether you're a top, a bottom, or versatile.
Stay safe and have a great time!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
"Kinkiness," HIV, and Gays
I was with my supposedly gay-friendly relatives the other day, and they seemed to be of the impression that gay men were much kinkier, "dirtier," in their sexual habits than straight people, and even implied that's why many gays had HIV. What is the truth about this? Angry in Albany.
There is absolutely nothing to suggest that gay men or lesbians are any kinkier or "dirtier"than heterosexuals. Any studies that suggest so are probably put together by homophobic Focus on the Family-type groups. Believe me, all of the sexual practices that some people might consider "edgier" -- water sports, rimming, anal intercourse, sadomasochism, and so on -- are practiced by heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. Besides, HIV can be spread by such "vanilla" [non-kinky or average] activities as "normal" heterosexual penetration. Tell your relatives that the heterosexual community, like the homosexual community, is quite diverse, and just because they don't practice the kinkier sexual stuff doesn't mean that's true of their straight friends or other straight people. Suggesting that the sexual habits of gay men are responsible for AIDS, for instance, is blatant homophobia.
Sadly, even in this day and age there are people (gay and straight, gay-friendly or not) who still see homosexuals as "abnormal" and kinky. [Not that there's anything wrong in being kinky!]
There is absolutely nothing to suggest that gay men or lesbians are any kinkier or "dirtier"than heterosexuals. Any studies that suggest so are probably put together by homophobic Focus on the Family-type groups. Believe me, all of the sexual practices that some people might consider "edgier" -- water sports, rimming, anal intercourse, sadomasochism, and so on -- are practiced by heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. Besides, HIV can be spread by such "vanilla" [non-kinky or average] activities as "normal" heterosexual penetration. Tell your relatives that the heterosexual community, like the homosexual community, is quite diverse, and just because they don't practice the kinkier sexual stuff doesn't mean that's true of their straight friends or other straight people. Suggesting that the sexual habits of gay men are responsible for AIDS, for instance, is blatant homophobia.
Sadly, even in this day and age there are people (gay and straight, gay-friendly or not) who still see homosexuals as "abnormal" and kinky. [Not that there's anything wrong in being kinky!]
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Hi Doctor? What health hazard is there in sucking a penis which has STD? thanks
The health hazard is that you can get whatever disease your sex partner is infected with. I assume you are talking about performing fellatio on someone who has an STD [sexually-transmitted disease] that particularly affects the penis, such as gonorrhea, which causes a discharge from the penis. Gonorrhea and chlamydia can cause infection in your throat if your partner is infected; there may not always be symptoms or they may seem like something else. There have been conflicting and confusing reports on the possibility of acquiring HIV through performing fellatio on a man who has the virus. There have been some reported cases, but there is always the possibility that some men did not want to admit they'd been the "bottom" in anal sex. Unprotected anal intercourse is still overwhelmingly the main way gay men get HIV. (Although rare, "tops" can also get HIV if they have sex with an infected person and don't use a condom.)
Don't panic. If you know that you've had sex with a person who has an STD go to a health clinic where your anonymity will be respected, and get tested. Most STDs can be easily treated with antibiotics and you'll be fine, and can't pass along an STD to anyone else. Even HIV, although not curable as such, can be treated.
Don't delay. You'll be okay. You may not have caught anything but if you have, getting tested for an STD is the smartest thing you can do.
Let me know if you have any more questions.
The health hazard is that you can get whatever disease your sex partner is infected with. I assume you are talking about performing fellatio on someone who has an STD [sexually-transmitted disease] that particularly affects the penis, such as gonorrhea, which causes a discharge from the penis. Gonorrhea and chlamydia can cause infection in your throat if your partner is infected; there may not always be symptoms or they may seem like something else. There have been conflicting and confusing reports on the possibility of acquiring HIV through performing fellatio on a man who has the virus. There have been some reported cases, but there is always the possibility that some men did not want to admit they'd been the "bottom" in anal sex. Unprotected anal intercourse is still overwhelmingly the main way gay men get HIV. (Although rare, "tops" can also get HIV if they have sex with an infected person and don't use a condom.)
Don't panic. If you know that you've had sex with a person who has an STD go to a health clinic where your anonymity will be respected, and get tested. Most STDs can be easily treated with antibiotics and you'll be fine, and can't pass along an STD to anyone else. Even HIV, although not curable as such, can be treated.
Don't delay. You'll be okay. You may not have caught anything but if you have, getting tested for an STD is the smartest thing you can do.
Let me know if you have any more questions.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Bars vs. Online Dating
You've written about being careful about who you meet online. But don't you have to be even more careful in bars, especially if you're drinking? At least online you have a clear head. Anon.
Well, maybe you do. A picture of a hot guy or a massive member attached to a private message on a gay dating site can make some men take any risk. There are some things you can do to protect yourself from bad scenes if you meet someone in a bar:
1.) Don't get so crap-faced that you don't know what you're doing or who you're doing it with.
2.) Carry plenty of condoms. Most bars have jars full of them, or ask the bartender.
3.) If someone seems too good to be true -- they're definitely way out of your league -- maybe they have less than pleasant motives for wanting to get together.
4.) Ask the other customers, preferably regulars, as well as the bartender, if they know the guy you're planning to go off with. Is he a complete stranger to everyone? Is he well-known as a nice guy in the bar?
5.) If you go off with a stranger, make sure you introduce him to a few people, and that he knows that they know who you're going off with.
6.) If someone is sending out bad signals, listen to your brain and don't go with him.
7.) Don't bring a complete stranger that no one can vouch for to your home. Bringing them to your hotel room is also a bad idea. If you want to go home with someone, stay out of private houses in isolated areas until you know them better. Going to somebody else's hotel room is generally safer.
8.) Sick to safe sex! Many guys do not know their HIV status, lie about it, or do not volunteer the information. But if you stick to safe sex, that won't be a problem.
The advantage that bars have over online dating is that at least you're meeting the guy face to face and you can immediately tell if the chemistry is there (unless it's more a question of alcohol-induced lust). If you're not drunk you can size the person up. You're seeing what they really look like and not a possibly doctored or older photograph.
Remember, play safe and have a great time.
Well, maybe you do. A picture of a hot guy or a massive member attached to a private message on a gay dating site can make some men take any risk. There are some things you can do to protect yourself from bad scenes if you meet someone in a bar:
1.) Don't get so crap-faced that you don't know what you're doing or who you're doing it with.
2.) Carry plenty of condoms. Most bars have jars full of them, or ask the bartender.
3.) If someone seems too good to be true -- they're definitely way out of your league -- maybe they have less than pleasant motives for wanting to get together.
4.) Ask the other customers, preferably regulars, as well as the bartender, if they know the guy you're planning to go off with. Is he a complete stranger to everyone? Is he well-known as a nice guy in the bar?
5.) If you go off with a stranger, make sure you introduce him to a few people, and that he knows that they know who you're going off with.
6.) If someone is sending out bad signals, listen to your brain and don't go with him.
7.) Don't bring a complete stranger that no one can vouch for to your home. Bringing them to your hotel room is also a bad idea. If you want to go home with someone, stay out of private houses in isolated areas until you know them better. Going to somebody else's hotel room is generally safer.
8.) Sick to safe sex! Many guys do not know their HIV status, lie about it, or do not volunteer the information. But if you stick to safe sex, that won't be a problem.
The advantage that bars have over online dating is that at least you're meeting the guy face to face and you can immediately tell if the chemistry is there (unless it's more a question of alcohol-induced lust). If you're not drunk you can size the person up. You're seeing what they really look like and not a possibly doctored or older photograph.
Remember, play safe and have a great time.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tops or Bottoms?
What percentage of gay men are tops and what percentage are bottoms? Anon.
I have never, ahem, actually done a scientific survey on this subject, but I would say it's about evenly divided. Of course there are men who are versatile, both top and bottom, but judging from what I see on gay dating/sex/friendship sites, there don't seem to be as many of them.
I can tell you that in my experience you can't assume the butcher gay men are automatically tops and the "femmes" are bottoms, because sometimes the reverse is true. When two men get together, it's two men getting together -- neither one is the "lady." Men who are bottoms should never feel that they are somehow less male because of it. There are some men who think of themselves as being "straight" because they are always the top when they have sex with another guy -- they're fooling themselves.
And, as usual, I remind everyone to stick to safe sex. This is true even if you are a top. Although there have been fewer cases of HIV infection in men who are tops than bottoms, it does happen. When it comes to anal penetration, always wear a condom.
I have never, ahem, actually done a scientific survey on this subject, but I would say it's about evenly divided. Of course there are men who are versatile, both top and bottom, but judging from what I see on gay dating/sex/friendship sites, there don't seem to be as many of them.
I can tell you that in my experience you can't assume the butcher gay men are automatically tops and the "femmes" are bottoms, because sometimes the reverse is true. When two men get together, it's two men getting together -- neither one is the "lady." Men who are bottoms should never feel that they are somehow less male because of it. There are some men who think of themselves as being "straight" because they are always the top when they have sex with another guy -- they're fooling themselves.
And, as usual, I remind everyone to stick to safe sex. This is true even if you are a top. Although there have been fewer cases of HIV infection in men who are tops than bottoms, it does happen. When it comes to anal penetration, always wear a condom.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Water Sports/HIV update
A reader took me to task for saying that messing around with urine (water sports) can lead to HIV infection. I checked with the Gay Men's Health Crisis (GMHC) and here's what they had to say:
"Hi Bill,
Your anonymous reader was correct. Urine does not have enough sufficient quantities of HIV in it to pose a danger of HIV transmission. There are really only a few very select body fluids that actually transmit HIV from an infected person to another: Blood, semen (including pre-cum), vaginal fluids, and possibly rectal mucosa fluid (although this is still under research and has not been technically determined a fluid for HIV transmission but there has been enough research indicating high enough levels that the possibility for transmission exists). For more information concerning this issue, you may find these websites helpful:
Ø AIDS Info http://www.aidsinfo.nih.gov/.
Ø The Body http://www.thebody.com/.
Also, a helpful resource on the West Coast is Project Inform HIV/AIDS Treatment and information Hotline. They can be reached at 800-822-7422
(M-F 9:00am-5:00pm, Sat: 10:00am-4:00pm PST) or on the web at http://www.projinf.org/.
If you would like to talk about anything in this email or if you have any additional questions, please feel free to call us at GMHC Hotline. We can be reached toll free at 800-243-7692 Monday – Friday from 10am – 9pm and on Saturday 12pm – 3pm.
Sincerely,
The GHMC Hotline"
Thanks guys. Readers, if you have any questions or concerns, use the above numbers and links.
And my apologies for the misinformation.
"Hi Bill,
Your anonymous reader was correct. Urine does not have enough sufficient quantities of HIV in it to pose a danger of HIV transmission. There are really only a few very select body fluids that actually transmit HIV from an infected person to another: Blood, semen (including pre-cum), vaginal fluids, and possibly rectal mucosa fluid (although this is still under research and has not been technically determined a fluid for HIV transmission but there has been enough research indicating high enough levels that the possibility for transmission exists). For more information concerning this issue, you may find these websites helpful:
Ø AIDS Info http://www.aidsinfo.nih.gov/.
Ø The Body http://www.thebody.com/.
Also, a helpful resource on the West Coast is Project Inform HIV/AIDS Treatment and information Hotline. They can be reached at 800-822-7422
(M-F 9:00am-5:00pm, Sat: 10:00am-4:00pm PST) or on the web at http://www.projinf.org/.
If you would like to talk about anything in this email or if you have any additional questions, please feel free to call us at GMHC Hotline. We can be reached toll free at 800-243-7692 Monday – Friday from 10am – 9pm and on Saturday 12pm – 3pm.
Sincerely,
The GHMC Hotline"
Thanks guys. Readers, if you have any questions or concerns, use the above numbers and links.
And my apologies for the misinformation.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Unsafe Sex
I'm gay but I can't understand why there are guys who take it up the ass without a condom, who even get ticked off if the top wants to use one? What's up with that? I would never have anal sex without a condom. Jerry.
To put it bluntly, they're nuts -- and so are you if you don't use a condom (glad to hear that you do). Guys like that are playing with fire; even if their sex partners say they're HIV negative doesn't mean they are, or that they've even been tested. I assume these guys have a crazy love of danger, think they're somehow immune to HIV or bad luck, have some kind of death wish, or thrive on taking nutty chances. Some will simply say that it feels better without a condom. Maybe (I'm a top man myself)? But even if the sensation is a bit muted isn't it better if it's safe?
These guys not only don't care about themselves, they don't care about you. Yes, you can contract HIV even if you are a top and have sex with a bottom. If you indulge in anal sex, always use a condom.
Why do these guys take such unnecessary risks (and there are straight guys like this as well as gay guys)? I guess it's all about the thrill, immediate gratification without responsibility. Or sheer stupidity? Younger gay guys did not grow up with dozens of their friends horribly wasting away and dying from AIDS. Older guys figure most of their life is over already, so who cares? They all think that if you contract HIV all you have to do is take a pill. HIV may no longer be a death sentence for most, but there are still serious social, sexual and health complications, and there are quite a few people who do not respond to medications. HIV infection is still a serious matter.
Avoid guys like this. At the very least insist on safe sex and condoms when you''re with them or just walk out the door.
There are plenty of more responsible guys in the gay community.
To put it bluntly, they're nuts -- and so are you if you don't use a condom (glad to hear that you do). Guys like that are playing with fire; even if their sex partners say they're HIV negative doesn't mean they are, or that they've even been tested. I assume these guys have a crazy love of danger, think they're somehow immune to HIV or bad luck, have some kind of death wish, or thrive on taking nutty chances. Some will simply say that it feels better without a condom. Maybe (I'm a top man myself)? But even if the sensation is a bit muted isn't it better if it's safe?
These guys not only don't care about themselves, they don't care about you. Yes, you can contract HIV even if you are a top and have sex with a bottom. If you indulge in anal sex, always use a condom.
Why do these guys take such unnecessary risks (and there are straight guys like this as well as gay guys)? I guess it's all about the thrill, immediate gratification without responsibility. Or sheer stupidity? Younger gay guys did not grow up with dozens of their friends horribly wasting away and dying from AIDS. Older guys figure most of their life is over already, so who cares? They all think that if you contract HIV all you have to do is take a pill. HIV may no longer be a death sentence for most, but there are still serious social, sexual and health complications, and there are quite a few people who do not respond to medications. HIV infection is still a serious matter.
Avoid guys like this. At the very least insist on safe sex and condoms when you''re with them or just walk out the door.
There are plenty of more responsible guys in the gay community.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Water sports
A guy I met online asked me if I'm into water sports? I have a feeling he didn't mean water skiing or competitive swimming. What are water sports and are they safe? TP
A guy who is into water sports -- also known as "golden showers" -- either likes to urinate on his sex partner, be urinated on, or both. Is it safe? Well, HIV is spread by the exchange of fluids and urine is a fluid. Certainly you should never take urine into your mouth or into your rectum. Even a spray of urine could be dangerous if you have cuts or sores on your body. An HIV negative guy could conceivably pee on another man without danger. UPDATE [4/3/08]: I was wrong about urine and HIV infection. See below or click here.
I'm not into being judgmental, but water sports -- for me, at least -- are just too unsanitary. Not a turn-on. Ask this guy which of you is supposed to do the peeing, him or you? -- and if there's (hopefully) anything else he likes to do.
In other words, proceed with caution and stay safe.
UPDATE: For updated information on urine and HIV infection, please click here.
A guy who is into water sports -- also known as "golden showers" -- either likes to urinate on his sex partner, be urinated on, or both. Is it safe? Well, HIV is spread by the exchange of fluids and urine is a fluid. Certainly you should never take urine into your mouth or into your rectum. Even a spray of urine could be dangerous if you have cuts or sores on your body. An HIV negative guy could conceivably pee on another man without danger. UPDATE [4/3/08]: I was wrong about urine and HIV infection. See below or click here.
I'm not into being judgmental, but water sports -- for me, at least -- are just too unsanitary. Not a turn-on. Ask this guy which of you is supposed to do the peeing, him or you? -- and if there's (hopefully) anything else he likes to do.
In other words, proceed with caution and stay safe.
UPDATE: For updated information on urine and HIV infection, please click here.
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