A friend of mine recently came out to me and says he is very grateful with how supportive I am being (I am also gay). But now I am feeling like he wants to take advantage of me. He asks to borrow money, shows up at my doorstep wanting to stay a few days (he lives in another city), and basically makes it clear that I must help him because, after all, we are gay brothers and gays should help each other out. There is nothing physical or romantic between us. I believe that he is definitely gay, but I almost have the feeling that his coming out to me was his way of getting his hooks in me. Last time he asked to stay overnight, but wound up camping out for a week, and it wasn't very convenient. He also raided my fridge and asked for "loans." He said he had to stay in the city because his sister was very sick in the hospital, but didn't know the name of the hospital when I asked. What should I do? Sick and Fed up.
Show this guy the door. It's all well and good to show solidarity with fellow gays, but this guy -- who sounds like a liar and Freeloader Supreme -- is only out to get what he can get. You might make the point to him that lying to and ripping off a "gay brother" is not exactly showing support for our community. Didn't know the name of the hospital, huh?
I have, unfortunately, met many people like this guy. Their friends exist to serve their needs. Once you stop being useful to him, cutting off all loans and telling him he can't "camp out" days at a time, he'll probably disappear. And good riddance.
You have to be firm with these people. Once you realize that they aren't really friends -- no matter how much they bandy the term about for their own purposes -- you'll find it easier to Just Say No!
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