Casual versus Anonymous

I came across a post where you answered a question about casual sex. Isn't it true that casual sex and anonymous sex are not the same thing? 

Absolutely true. Casual sex is a one night stand, a bar pick-up, or it can refer to sleeping with a person you are acquainted with, maybe even friends with [a fuck buddy, or as straight people say "friends with benefits"], but aren't in love with. There's no romance, no angst, no jealousy, none of the tortured, joyous emotions of a full-fledged love affair. Just good, clean sex.

Anonymous sex, on the other hand, is where you not only never get to know the person with whom you are having sex, you may not even get to see what they look like, and there's definitely little, if any, conversation. This is --in my opinion -- old-fashioned sex, more prevalent in the days before Stonewall, where gay men would meet anonymously in dark parks, men's rooms ["tea rooms"], movie theaters, and other trysting places where there was not only no wining and dining or cruising before sex, there was no anything -- the two would just get right at it for instant gratification.

Before AIDS, there were many darkened back room bars where anonymous sex would go on. Men would follow a guy they saw and liked in the [brighter] front room of the bar and hope that if they hooked up with him in the back room they were getting the right guy! But with all those bodies, and shadows, who knows?

Frankly, in my opinion, sex is a much more satisfying experience in a bed and after getting to know someone even a little bit. Still there are people -- gay and straight -- who like the no-frills action and slight edge of danger to anonymous, often public sexual encounters.

Outdated Obsession with "Straight" Men

Lately I've been seeing a trend that I, at least, find kind of disturbing. All these ads in gay magazines to "come see hot naked straight guys" at this or that web site; there's even a porn mag devoted to supposedly straight guys geared to gay men. Isn't this alleged obsession with straight guys kind of out-of-date? Out and Proud Joe.

To those of us who are Out and Proud, Joe, yes it certainly is out of date. Certainly a gay man can find any kind of man attractive, but an obsession with [supposedly] straight guys is decidedly pre-Stonewall. It harks back to those days when people referred to some gay men as being "straight-acting." We now know -- or certainly should know -- that the gay male community is very diverse; you can find any type or kind of man you want, from femme to butch and everything in between. There is no need to pursue straight guys. Jerking off over a hot model regardless of whatever his sexual orientation might be is one thing, but if a gay man finds it more exciting that the guy might be straight, well let's say I think he has issues.

Although they are definitely in the minority, even today there are self-hating homos who think of straight men as being the ultimate treat. Some will pretend that it's merely a test of their seductive powers, but in reality they are so wracked with internalized homophobia that they hate the idea of being with a gay man, whom they see -- like themselves -- as being inferior. A real man, to them, is a straight man. No well-adjusted gay man has this attitude, of course.

Then there's the fact that if a straight man "succumbs" and has sex with another man, he's not really or totally straight, a little catch-22 that seems to fly over the heads of these straight-obsessed gentlemen. And, yes, that's true even if they're getting paid for it. Some self-hating homos only have sex for money (as hustlers or porn actors) so they can convince themselves that they're not really gay, they're only doing it for cash. Surrrreee.

And don't get me started on this moronic notion that some men who actively seek out other men for sex (outside of prison) are actually heterosexual.

Lastly, I recall an ad for one of these gay-oriented "straight guy" web sites which shows a guy riding off on a motorcycle with another guy as he leaves "the bitch" -- his girlfriend -- behind in the dust. This plays into another out-dated and especially unfair and pernicious notion that gay men are all ultimately misogynous.

Many of these sites, ads and magazines are not put together by gay people. And if they are, they are not what I'd call Out and Proud or at least up to date gay people with modern-day attitudes about gay men. They trade on stereotypes. For money.

I would suggest if one likes to go to sexy web sites, watch porn films, and the like, that you frequent those sites and purchase those films that feature openly, happily gay men.

And leave the "straight" or closeted ones to the self-hating homos.

As you can see, I have no opinion on this issue, LOL.