A "Gay" Kiss at 13?

Hi Bill. Okay, so I've been in a serious relationship for a year. When I first met him, I never suspected he'd be gay or of that type. He was a huge flirt towards women. We were both bartenders and saw all the attention he would receive. I wasn't interested at first because I knew the type of guy he was. But I still went for it. We started getting very serious, even moved in together. One day, we were having a conversation about the craziest things we've done and he mentioned to me that when he was 13 he kissed another boy. He said it was because they each had a girl crush, and the two girls dared them to kiss each other in order to able to sleep with them, so they did it, and later scored with the girl. He then told me that later on he found out that it was all a trick because the guy who he kissed WAS gay and liked him. He was upset about it and broke contact with all of them. I felt a little weirded out about it, but took it for what it was. Ever since then, I've been extremely paranoid. I feel very alert about anything he does. I've occasionally seen him glance at other men, like at the beach etc. I've confronted him once and asked "are you gay" and he said "no, I am not gay. I did that with the guy so I could sleep with the girl." Months later, we were having sex when I insisted on talking dirty to each other. Then out of no where he says "let me put it in the ass". I completely stopped and pushed him off of me and began saying "I knew it." A huge fight burst out after that. What caught me off guard was that we had never talked about anal sex. He said his coworker had been talking about them having anal with their girlfriends ans insisted that he should try it with me. We were able to get past that but I still carry this huge paranoia and it isn't fair to neither of us. We do love each other, but I don't think I'll ever feel at ease. What should I do? 

Two points to consider: A.) Giving a guy a quick kiss when he's 13 on a dare does not necessarily make a man gay. Believe me, I can be pretty suspicious, but this doesn't raise any red flags for me. It's the type of silly thing that could easily happen. I think you were, for whatever reason, so freaked out about it that you're interpreting his every action as being, somehow, "gay."

B.) It isn't only gay men who are into anal intercourse. Your boyfriend may be the experimental type who likes to try different sexual positions.That doesn't necessarily add up to homosexuality. Of course you don't have to engage in any sexual activity you don't feel comfortable with, but don't be so uptight that you perceive anything non-missionary as being "perverse." Whether a man is or isn't into things you might consider "kinky" generally has little to do with sexual orientation.

Can I swear to you that your boyfriend isn't attracted to men? No, I can't, but I'd need much more positive evidence before I could tell you that the man in your life is definitely gay.

Is Friend's Husband Gay?

I HAVE 2 QUESTIONS -----  FIRST QUESTION: MY FRIEND –A WOMAN IN HER 60’S HAS BEEN MARRIED SINCE HER LATE 30’S --TO A VERY NARCISSISTIC MAN, WHO  I THINK IS GAY.  HE ALWAYS WAS G O N E   A LOT   TRAVELING  WORKING  ---THEN GOT  JOBS AWAY FROM HOME AND NOW  HE  HAS BEEN LIVING IN DC NEAR DUPONT CIRCLE WHICH IS A GAY NEIGHBORHOOD FOR 10 YEARS AT LEAST.   MY FRIEND LIVES IN A NORTHERN CITY HE ONLY RETURNS HOME ABOUT 1-2 TIMES A MONTH ----- AT THE DAUGHTERS WEDDING HE LET IT BE KNOWN THEY ARE SEPARATED  SHE WAS SHOCKED  ALTHO I HAVE TOLD HER MY IDEAS ABOUT HIS PERSONALITY AND LIFESTYLE----  GOING TO KENNEDY CENTER  AND EATING OUT 3 TIMES A DAY AND BUYING AND DOING WHATEVER HE WANTS ----- WITHDRAWING LARGE AMTS OF CASH  SO SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE IS DOING IN DC    THEY DO HAVE 2 ADULT DAUGHTERS  LIVING IN OTHER STATES .  THE HUBBY IS GETTING TANS  TAKING MEDS FOR KEEPING HIS HAIR  ACTS RICH AND SMART AND SUCCESSFUL THO NOT REALLY THE CASE  HE WILL NEVER ADMIT WRONG AND IS SO FAKE ETC     HE IS NOW 66 WHAT DO YOU THINK???     SIGH   -      NOW SECOND QUESTION   SHOULD A PARENT WAIT TIL AN ADULT CHILD  COMES OUT????  OR SAY SOMETHING???

Well, merely living in Dupont Circle doesn't make someone gay, but judging from the rest of what you have to say there is a distinct possibility that he is leading a double life -- or at least has a girlfriend on the side. Although it could just as well be a boyfriend or boyfriends. Chances are he's "come out" to himself and a circle of friends but just can't bring himself to admit it to his wife. Perhaps she should confront him on it in a non-judgmental way?

As for your second question: If a parent feels an adult child is gay and also feels that they're not disclosing it is a barrier to their emotional closeness, they could bring it up -- again, in a non-judgmental way --  if only to let the adult child know that they are okay with it and just want to be a part of this aspect of their lives. Especially if the parent feels that the adult child is afraid the parent will disapprove or be unable to deal with it. If anything, it should bring the parent and adult child closer. 

Hope that helps.