I HAVE 2 QUESTIONS ----- FIRST QUESTION: MY FRIEND –A WOMAN IN HER 60’S HAS BEEN MARRIED SINCE HER LATE 30’S --TO A VERY NARCISSISTIC MAN, WHO I THINK IS GAY. HE ALWAYS WAS G O N E A LOT TRAVELING WORKING ---THEN GOT JOBS AWAY FROM HOME AND NOW HE HAS BEEN LIVING IN DC NEAR DUPONT CIRCLE WHICH IS A GAY NEIGHBORHOOD FOR 10 YEARS AT LEAST. MY FRIEND LIVES IN A NORTHERN CITY HE ONLY RETURNS HOME ABOUT 1-2 TIMES A MONTH ----- AT THE DAUGHTERS WEDDING HE LET IT BE KNOWN THEY ARE SEPARATED SHE WAS SHOCKED ALTHO I HAVE TOLD HER MY IDEAS ABOUT HIS PERSONALITY AND LIFESTYLE---- GOING TO KENNEDY CENTER AND EATING OUT 3 TIMES A DAY AND BUYING AND DOING WHATEVER HE WANTS ----- WITHDRAWING LARGE AMTS OF CASH SO SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE IS DOING IN DC THEY DO HAVE 2 ADULT DAUGHTERS LIVING IN OTHER STATES . THE HUBBY IS GETTING TANS TAKING MEDS FOR KEEPING HIS HAIR ACTS RICH AND SMART AND SUCCESSFUL THO NOT REALLY THE CASE HE WILL NEVER ADMIT WRONG AND IS SO FAKE ETC HE IS NOW 66 WHAT DO YOU THINK??? SIGH - NOW SECOND QUESTION SHOULD A PARENT WAIT TIL AN ADULT CHILD COMES OUT???? OR SAY SOMETHING???
Well, merely living in Dupont Circle doesn't make someone gay, but judging from the rest of what you have to say there is a distinct possibility that he is leading a double life -- or at least has a girlfriend on the side. Although it could just as well be a boyfriend or boyfriends. Chances are he's "come out" to himself and a circle of friends but just can't bring himself to admit it to his wife. Perhaps she should confront him on it in a non-judgmental way?
As for your second question: If a parent feels an adult child is gay and also feels that they're not disclosing it is a barrier to their emotional closeness, they could bring it up -- again, in a non-judgmental way -- if only to let the adult child know that they are okay with it and just want to be a part of this aspect of their lives. Especially if the parent feels that the adult child is afraid the parent will disapprove or be unable to deal with it. If anything, it should bring the parent and adult child closer.
Hope that helps.