Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Boyfriend Who Supposedly Acts "Gay"

My boyfriend loves to imitate gay men; he has even put on my wig and bra and paraded around the house in front of me and my sister. I told him that I was uncomfortable with that behavior and not to do it again. Several weeks later he starts acting like he is gay, snapping his fingers with his hands on his hips. Recently, we spent the night over my girlfriend's house with her and her husband -- they were delighted to have us over. Well, we started drinking and then he starting playing like he was gay and when my girlfriend told him to stop, she and her husband were uncomfortable with the behavior --  she asked him if he was gay; he laughed and said 'No, I'm a homo fag-tug fag, no.' [What? -- Dr. B] We laughed at him and he stopped with the act. Later that night us women stayed upstairs and the men stayed down stairs in the living room -- my girlfriend's husband told us the next morning that he put on my earring in front of him as a joke -- is my boyfriend gay? 

Your boyfriend may be an asshole but I'm not certain he's gay. I'm also not sure why you and your friends were uncomfortable with his behavior -- because he was stereotyping and making fun of gay men and/or confusing them with transvestites, or because you yourself are uncomfortable around gay people, especially the more stereotypical kind?

First of all, gay men do not put on wigs and bras and act all limp-wristed and girlish. That is a stereotype. Most gay men are just average, perfectly masculine guys who happen to be gay. Trust me on this -- I am, after all, a gay man and should know. Men who like to put on women's garments such as bras are transvestites, not homosexuals, and many of them are straight.

It's possible that your boyfriend isn't imitating gay men at all, but acting "campy" and silly, actually imitating women,just because he thinks it's funny. A great many comedians, straight and gay, have dressed and camped it up as women for laughs. Putting on a wig and bra to get some chuckles out of his friends hardly makes your boyfriend a true transvestite let alone a gay man.

Again, it's one thing if you and your friends object because you think he's making fun of [stereotypical] gay men -- another thing if it simply bothers you because you think he's "queer." Finally, the proper reaction to someone using the highly offensive word "fag" is to tell them to go fuck themselves!

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