Alcohol and Sex

I'm gay and I have a boyfriend who only seems willing to make love when he's a little drunk. I don't think he's an alcoholic or even a heavy drinker, but when he's sober he's not very affectionate, although I'm certain he's as attracted to me as I am to him. What do you think's going on? TP.

There are several possibilities. How does he feel about being gay? Is he Out and Proud or in the closet? Sadly, even today there are men who are ashamed of and embarrassed by their feelings, and can only give in to their homoerotic impulses when they're drunk. In which case he needs counseling and/or therapy. But that's the worst case scenario.

It may also be that, even if he's attractive, he's uncomfortable with his body image. He feels self-conscious during sex when he's sober. Many people who are self-conscious use alcohol to rid themselves of their inhibitions. If you're self-conscious simply being in a room with people, imagine how you feel when you're naked and having sex with someone, especially if you're not comfortable with your body.

As for his not being affectionate -- well some guys just aren't affectionate. I would suggest that you continue to be affectionate with him, but primarily in private at first. Let him get used to it slowly. I don't know how long you've been dating, but if it hasn't been too long let him get used to you and the idea of intimacy with you. Tell him how attractive you find him while you're making love and even when you're not.

Some people aren't great with nudity or intimacy, and there are many reasons for it. A couple of drinks relaxes them and makes them better lovers (too many drinks, of course, and you've got a
figurative corpse on your hands.) If you don't feel your boyfriend is abusing alcohol, then don't let it worry you too much. Over time he'll become comfortable with you and you may find yourself having hot sex at all hours, high or sober!

Good luck!