Friday, June 20, 2008

Watch Out for That Man With a Wife

What percentage of men on gay dating sites would you say have wives and children? Z.

I wouldn't doubt that it's at least 10% and possibly as high on some sites as 25% or more. Even with all the recent scandals a la Larry Craig and Jim McGreevey, people still don't realize how many so-called "family" men are privately homosexual and still deep in the closet even in this day and age. And they're not all Republicans. Some of these men are at least "out" to some gay friends or at least their tricks (sex partners). There is probably a higher percentage on line than in bars because some of these guys won't go into a gay bar, afraid they might run into someone who will recognize them and gossip. Especially if they live in a smaller city.

Some of these guys are honest about their marital status and refer to themselves as "married bi's," preferring to have people think they're simply "hip" swingin' bisexuals than the pathetic out-of-date closet cases most of them really are. If a gay guy -- (I use the word "gay" to denote Out and Proud or at least a self-accepting gay person as opposed to a self-hating homo) wants to have a quickie with one of these guys, that's his business, but he should never expect anything more from him than a quick lay. As the cliche goes: they never leave their beards, I mean, wives.

There are occasional exceptions. Some of these men are finally coming to accept themselves as homosexuals and getting tired of leading double lives. They're not quite ready to come out of the closet yet and live an open gay life, but they do want to meet people. Hopefully some of the men they meet on these sites will convince them that it's okay to be gay.

Some gay men, myself included, have felt it necessary on some sites to add a note to our profiles saying, in effect, that we're not interested in dating guys with wives. One man explained on his profile that these married guys often suffered from guilt feelings and who needs the hassle? You want to meet a nice guy to either date, screw, or maybe even have a relationship with, not these f--kers who -- when it comes to Gay Pride -- are still roaming with the dinosaurs.

Not all men on these sites are honest (big news, right?). But in general you can have a good idea of whether someone is married and/or deeply in the closet by whether or not they post a photograph of their face. (Okay, some guys feel their face is not their best feature, or are a bit shy about the Internet etc., but they should at least offer to send a facial shot once you've both sent a few private messages back and forth.) Who can tell if you're going to find a guy attractive if all you can see is a picture of their penis? We're not all "size kings."

However, some of these guys post their pictures anyway. As I've said in other posts, a sixth sense can help in telling you if the guy is being upfront about his situation or not. Is he forthcoming, is he free with his name and email, what he does and so on, or is he sly and secretive? Is his profile practically blank -- nothing about his life, his work, his interests? Either he's incredibly uninteresting or he's hiding something.

One big indicator. If he says "I'm not into a gay scene" he probably isn't. Oh, he's homosexual, all right, he's just not "gay."

Listen, I don't want to discourage anyone from using Internet dating sites because they're afraid every guy they meet will turn out to be married.

The vast majority of men on these sites are gay, baby, gay!

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