I'm glad I found this blog post. After being with him for two
years and knowing him for seven, my boyfriend confessed that he used to
look at "naked men" online daily for years. He said that he wanted to
stop but it was like an addiction, but he hadn't done it for almost a
year and didn't miss it, and felt he needed to tell me and come clean.
He cried when he told me and it seemed like he had a lot of guilt about
it. I'm not sure what this means and even why he told me. When he told
me I was shocked and told him it was ok with me, as long as he didn't do
it anymore, but was too surprised to say anything else then. I've been
too afraid to ask him more about it and it's been more than a year so I
don't know how to bring it up again. I guess I don't care if he's bi as
long as he's attracted to me, too! Haha. He has many close girl friends
and hardly any guy friends (I'm not sure if this is a factor but it's
something I've always wondered about also). He's never been with a guy
or a girl, so what if he doesn't even know?
I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but guys who look at naked men online [unless he's, say, seeing how he stacks up in the penis size department as compared to other men and even then I might wonder -- I mean how many photos do you have to look at?] and have been doing it for years are undoubtedly attracted to men. His crying and his guilt feelings indicate that he is deeply ashamed of it as well. There's nothing wrong in being gay, but there is something wrong in someone being closeted and ashamed in this more enlightened day and age. A person doesn't have to sleep with a man or a woman to pretty much know, even if he or she is in denial, which sex one is attracted to. As for bisexuality, men who identify as bisexual in most cases tend to prefer men but may have relationships with women because of their internalized homophobia [their self-hatred over being attracted to men]. Apparently the two of you have not slept together, perhaps for religious reasons or you're saving yourselves for marriage? A man who may be essentially homosexual is sort of off the hook in this kind of arrangement [although there are plenty of gay men who can successfully sleep with and impregnate women].
It sounds to me as if you've been given a pretty clear warning. A lot of women have boyfriends and even long-term husbands who turn out to be gay without their having any prior knowledge of it, and it's devastating for them when they find out. To know in advance can be a blessing in disguise. It's hard to let go of somebody that you love, but in my opinion "mixed" marriages between homosexual men and heterosexual women are unfair to both parties and only lead to a lot of heartbreak.