Thursday, April 5, 2012

Confused Over Boyfriend

Hi Bill,
I've have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and I have suspicions about him being gay. One time we were sitting in his living room watching a movie and out of no where he told me that he's been involved with another man before. I thought he was joking at first, but is expression was so serious. Then I asked him if he was for real or if he was serious, because I won't judge him...But he started watching the movie again and told me he was joking. Another time we were talking about our high school experiences and he told me how he was really popular and on the track team, but he didn't lose his virginity until he was 16. There is nothing wrong with that, but he told me that he didn't like the idea of bodily fluids mixing and he found it disgusting. It makes me wonder why a popular guy like him viewed sex in this way. It seems like he could have been trying to figure out his sexuality. Finally, one day we were at the barber shop and he was waiting to get his hair cut. He asked me if I thought his barber was cute and I told him no. While I asked him why he asked me that, he was checking the barber out and smiling. Maybe he could have been joking, but it really confused me. 

Then again, maybe he was afraid you were attracted to the barber. Frankly, there's really nothing in what you say to positively indicate that the guy might be gay except for one thing, which I'll get to in a moment. Gay men don't find bodily fluids "disgusting" anymore than straight men do so any queasiness he may feel about that may have nothing to do with sexual orientation, even if he was strictly speaking about male and female fluids. I don't know what movie you were watching, but he may have been joking about a former homosexual experience or greatly exaggerating something -- still, this could be a red flag. When people are getting ready to come out, they often "test the waters" by suddenly making statements about their sexual orientation to see what reaction they get, and then quickly taking it back and saying it was all a joke. That may be what he is doing here. If he starts ogling other men besides the barber, that's also a clue. He may be sending out signals or he may be joking around. I do think it would be a good idea to come right out and ask him in a non-judgmental way if he is attracted to men. Once that's out in the open at least you'll have some idea of what's up with him. If he's gay or sees himself as being bisexual but his preference is men, then you would both be better off with different boyfriends.

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