Saturday, March 24, 2012

Questions about Fiance

So I figured your expertise might have some answers to my stumping thoughts.
I'm engaged and questioning certain things about my fiance.
I feel he's hiding something or maybe I'm just a crazy assumer. sooo I thought, He might be bisexual......?
When I first met him, he told me about some gay guys he used to hang out with, that didn't seem "gay" and that they actually were fun to hang out with.
He specifically talked about a gay guy friend he used to work with. My fiance had a gf at the time but he told me his guy friend and him would joke around, for ex.: I read an email which went kinda like this....
 My fiance: "whats up fag" [Oy vey! -- Dr. Bill]
 his friend: "hey cock monkey"
 my fiance:" :)"
1st of all....a smilely face?
2nd.....isn't that flirting? [or just guys stupidly fooling around]
There were several other things he told me that were just a
He told me that they always joke around and they both don't get offended by one another-[That's actually a good thing.]  It seemed they talked like that a lot. When we first met, I asked him..."are you bisexual". He got mad and said, "no!"
I thought, Obviously his friend is gay and likes guys, my fiance is good looking, so why wouldn't this gay guy jump on the chance to "do"  or flirt with my fiance.[Let's make it clear that gay men don't need to jump on or seduce straight guys, unless some encouragement makes it clear that the other guy isn't so straight after all.]
My fiance also cums a lot quicker during sex when I stick my finger up his butt and sometimes during sex he'll give me the lube to do it. [Interesting.]
 I found anal lube in the shower and he wouldn't tell me why it was in there. [That frankly is a red flag. Especially as he wouldn't give you an answer.]
He is the first bf that gets soo turned on by anal and would do it everytime if I let him.
We also have a great sex life but I've been catching him a lot masturbating watching porn.
Also, he kind of has a dysfunctional family, his parents have some mental problems [I hope you do realize that being gay or bi has nothing whatsoever to do with being dysfunctional or having "mental problems." Why are you even bringing it up?]
His sister told him she is bi and got so far as going down on a girl and the girl going down on her........
..........makes me believe for a sister to tell a brother a little creepy [why?] or maybe he is bi, so he would understand because that was her 1st "real" sex with a girl. The mom also told them she had a lesbian experience and that's why the sister might have bi tendencies. [Well, people are born gay so I suppose a gay gene could be inherited. Both women could essentially be lesbians no matter how "straight" their lifestyle.]
And his straight friends and him say gay things [??] to each other jokingly but he also has said it to guys he doesn't know and it felt awkward to me, being there and hearing it, but the guys also seemed a little uncomfortable. And one time I told him, "you just flirted with that starbucks guy?!" and he said " I was just joking".
wtf? [It sounds like this guy is attracted to men and just doesn't know how to tell you, so he "acts out" in this way.]
I'm feel like I'm in the twilight zone, and just don't understand. And feel like he's hiding issues from me, and hiding things is not the way to start a marriage.
I might have to call off the engagement.
Does this sound like he might be bi or maybe his fam is kinda fucked up, so he is. -help

To be perfectly honest with you it sounds like your boyfriend is at the very least bisexual but isn't ready to come out as bi [he could even be gay]. This has nothing to do with a "dysfunctional family." Even if he is genuinely bisexual, the question is -- in his heart of hearts, and once he gets past any hang-ups he may have about his homosexual feelings -- which sex is his preference. If it's men, then a marriage would be problematic and completely unfair to both of you. The anal lubricant, his flirting with men, his deceptiveness, all bring his sexuality into question. I can't be absolutely certain of course, but I suggest you bring all of these things up to him, sharing your concerns, in a non-judgmental and non-accusatory way. Both of you deserve to know the truth.

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