I have read that Jim McGreevey's wife feels that her gay husband the governor perpetrated a fraud on her when he married her by pretending he was straight. How do you feel about this? Are gays and bisexuals defrauding their straight spouses if they don't tell them the truth? How about asexuals? Anon.
Interesting question. My answer is yes. I have often said that it's one thing if a person knows about the sexual interests of their mate before the marriage and enters into the union willingly, but quite another if the spouse is secretive. While I don't recommend mixed marriages for anyone, a straight person who enters into one with foreknowledge can not complain later on if, for obvious reasons, it doesn't work out. While a mixed marriage between a straight person and a genuinely bisexual person can work, I still think the bi partner should be completely upfront about their sexuality with their partner. As for asexuals, people who say they are born without sexual feelings, many do engage in sex with their partners, but the partner should be apprised that they are faking any enjoyment they have -- or rather can't have -- of the experience.
Upfront honesty is always the best policy. To be in love with someone and in a relationship with them for years and then to discover they are gay or perhaps have more of an interest in their own sex than in the opposite, or have no sexual feelings of any kind, can be devastating and is, I feel, completely unfair to the straight and/or non-asexual spouse.
The better and more accepting a member of a sexual minority is, the more likely he or she is to be honest and treat other people fairly.
It will be interesting to see what happens when some of these fraud cases hit a courtroom.