Why do gay men have a fascination with divas, actresses, Bette Davis, Madonna, and the like? Is it because they want to be them? Anon.
First of all, whenever you talk about gay men, the word "some" should always be used as a prefix. Some gay men may have a fascination with certain, as you call them, divas or movie stars, but certainly not all or even most. These gay men tend to be the more flamboyant members of the community.
Second, Gay men are men; they have no desire to be women. You're confusing homosexuals with transsexuals, or at least you're confusing the average gay man with a drag queen (or gay transvestite). Most gay men are not drag queens and have no interest in dressing up or posing as a member of the opposite sex. There are drag queens (as well as heterosexual transvestites or female impersonators) who dress up as famous women either as part of their act if they're entertainers, or as a homage to someone they are a fan of.
Lastly, both Madonna and Bette Davis have heterosexual fans.
There are many, many gay men who not only have no fascination with divas, but -- believe it or not -- no particular interest in any aspect of show biz. There are gay men who like sports, camping, back-packing, computers, hardware, electronics, hunting etc. etc.
Let's get past the stereotypes. We are a very diverse bunch of fellows.
Showing posts with label flamboyant gays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flamboyant gays. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Big Queens or Super-Butch?
Okay, let's be honest, aren't most gay guys big queens? I mean, I'm a big queen. Can't speak for you, but isn't that the case for most of us? LL
Nope. In my experience, the vast majority of gay men are just average guys who happen to like other guys. You have to remember that the "big queens" as you call them, -- or the more "fabulous" or flamboyant, stereotypical members of the gay male community -- do tend to, well, stick out a little more. The media also tends to play up the more colorful members of the community. Therefore many people, gay and straight, can erroneously believe that most gay men are "queens" or femmes. It just ain't so. I'm not saying most gay guys are super-butch -- although gay guys like that certainly exist -- but remember that most straight guys aren't super-macho, either. There are even effeminate heterosexual men.
While most well-adjusted masculine gay men do not make fun or put down "femmes" -- although they may at times roll their eyes at certain behavior patterns -- I do recognize that many self-described queens want or need to believe that most gays are queens like them because it makes them feel more comfortable; the whole safety in numbers bit. Also some queens strictly hang out in places where other queens congregate -- they do not go to bear bars, for instance.
Speaking of which, I really think that this whole perception that all or most gay men are queens seems a little out of date with the emergence of bear culture. Although there are effeminate hairy guys, most bears (or otters or wolves or bear cubs and so on) are gay guys who do not fit into neat little stereotypes. And the bear community is huge.
Look, no one wants to be a minority within a minority, but look at it this way. The gay community is very diverse, and queens and drag queens are one part of it -- and the gay community would be a little duller, perhaps, without them. I also have to say that I have personally never seen a bear (or otter or wolf etc. etc.) be unkind to any femme gay guy who happens to wander into the scene or is a bear "chaser."
Celebrate our diversity. Celebrate yourself. Whether you're a butch bear or a "big queen," gay life can be -- is -- great, right?
Nope. In my experience, the vast majority of gay men are just average guys who happen to like other guys. You have to remember that the "big queens" as you call them, -- or the more "fabulous" or flamboyant, stereotypical members of the gay male community -- do tend to, well, stick out a little more. The media also tends to play up the more colorful members of the community. Therefore many people, gay and straight, can erroneously believe that most gay men are "queens" or femmes. It just ain't so. I'm not saying most gay guys are super-butch -- although gay guys like that certainly exist -- but remember that most straight guys aren't super-macho, either. There are even effeminate heterosexual men.
While most well-adjusted masculine gay men do not make fun or put down "femmes" -- although they may at times roll their eyes at certain behavior patterns -- I do recognize that many self-described queens want or need to believe that most gays are queens like them because it makes them feel more comfortable; the whole safety in numbers bit. Also some queens strictly hang out in places where other queens congregate -- they do not go to bear bars, for instance.
Speaking of which, I really think that this whole perception that all or most gay men are queens seems a little out of date with the emergence of bear culture. Although there are effeminate hairy guys, most bears (or otters or wolves or bear cubs and so on) are gay guys who do not fit into neat little stereotypes. And the bear community is huge.
Look, no one wants to be a minority within a minority, but look at it this way. The gay community is very diverse, and queens and drag queens are one part of it -- and the gay community would be a little duller, perhaps, without them. I also have to say that I have personally never seen a bear (or otter or wolf etc. etc.) be unkind to any femme gay guy who happens to wander into the scene or is a bear "chaser."
Celebrate our diversity. Celebrate yourself. Whether you're a butch bear or a "big queen," gay life can be -- is -- great, right?
Monday, October 20, 2008
Butch and Femme
Why are some gay men very obvious and effeminate and others you wouldn't ever know are gay, I mean, you can't tell one way or the other. I'm a gay man by the way. Anon.
That's a good question. And not an easy one to answer. There will be some who disagree with this, but I think the vast majority of gay men are not stereotypical, but that the more flamboyant gay men sort of "stick out" a lot more. Some people think that "fabulous" gay men tend to be out of the closet more than those of us who are less fabulous, but it's just as likely that fab guys or "femmes" or "queens" find it much harder, if not impossible, to pass for straight. I know a great many masculine gay men who are completely out of the closet, and I have even met effeminate men who say they are straight but later on admit they are gay. (Not to mention effeminate or "girlish" or "soft" men who may actually be heterosexual!)
Why the difference? Well, here's one theory for what it's worth. For a long time there was a debate as to whether homosexuality was something a person was born with or acquired over time (from the way they were raised, their environment, etc.). Nowadays we -- correctly, I believe - lean toward accepting that we're born gay. But the other traits we have -- those may come about because of the way we're raised or other environmental factors.
For instance, is it possible that feminine gay men are raised primarily by women, or are closer to the female members of their family? Is there an element of unacknowledged transsexuality in the more outrageously flamboyant members of the gay male community? The element of transvestism and female identification is what makes a small percentage of gay men become drag queens (there are also straight men who also like to dress up as women).
But here's the rub. I bet if a study were taken, we'd discover examples of masculine gay men who were raised strictly by women, and effeminate gay men who had a strong masculine father in their life. So it gets confusing.
To further confound the issue, how much effeminate behavior in "queens" is -- for lack of a better word -- "natural" to them, and how much is acquired? I have known gay men who are basically masculine but who are capable of "camping" it up, even becoming a bit swishy, when they feel like it. Most gay men have no desire to do this, of course, but sometimes a gay man will want in no uncertain terms to let everyone in the room know he's gay and that's the way he'll choose to do it, by becoming a recognizable stereotype. (I would prefer they just tell people they're gay but to each his own.) Or maybe the first gay men who befriended him loved to camp and swish and he has consciously or unconsciously mimicked them throughout his life.
To add a note of humor, let me tell you the story of "Bubbalina." This guy was the cousin of my first boyfriend, and both were from Romania. Bubbalina spoke in such a high, squeaky voice that on the phone people would assume he was a woman. I figured that was just the way he talked, he couldn't do anything about it, because after all why would he talk that way if he could help it? One afternoon I came to see my boyfriend, with whom Bubbalina -- as the cousin was called -- was staying. I heard a deep, gruff masculine voice behind the door to the apartment telling my boyfriend's dog to "go away, get out of the way!" as someone opened the door for me and I assumed that one of my boyfriend's friends was visiting.
But when the door was opened there was Bubbalina!
The minute he saw me his eyebrows shot up, his mouth opened wide, and he went -- in that high, screechy, feminine voice -- "Oh, hello, look who's here, so nice to see" ---
To this day I've wondered what the hell was up with that? He had a perfectly nice, positively baritone voice -- why did he speak all the time in that screech? Or did he only do it in gay bars and among gay friends and relatives? And why? Was that simply his way of being gay? Did he enjoy it on some strange, campy, peculiar level?
For all I know Bubbalina could now be a closest case with a wife and six kids and the butchest persona of anyone you've ever met.
If there's a moral to this it's that no one has all the answers just yet. The gay community is entitled to its delightful weirdos just as the straight community is. Let's celebrate our diversity, and -- butch or femme -- be kind to each other and not worry about everything too much.
That's a good question. And not an easy one to answer. There will be some who disagree with this, but I think the vast majority of gay men are not stereotypical, but that the more flamboyant gay men sort of "stick out" a lot more. Some people think that "fabulous" gay men tend to be out of the closet more than those of us who are less fabulous, but it's just as likely that fab guys or "femmes" or "queens" find it much harder, if not impossible, to pass for straight. I know a great many masculine gay men who are completely out of the closet, and I have even met effeminate men who say they are straight but later on admit they are gay. (Not to mention effeminate or "girlish" or "soft" men who may actually be heterosexual!)
Why the difference? Well, here's one theory for what it's worth. For a long time there was a debate as to whether homosexuality was something a person was born with or acquired over time (from the way they were raised, their environment, etc.). Nowadays we -- correctly, I believe - lean toward accepting that we're born gay. But the other traits we have -- those may come about because of the way we're raised or other environmental factors.
For instance, is it possible that feminine gay men are raised primarily by women, or are closer to the female members of their family? Is there an element of unacknowledged transsexuality in the more outrageously flamboyant members of the gay male community? The element of transvestism and female identification is what makes a small percentage of gay men become drag queens (there are also straight men who also like to dress up as women).
But here's the rub. I bet if a study were taken, we'd discover examples of masculine gay men who were raised strictly by women, and effeminate gay men who had a strong masculine father in their life. So it gets confusing.
To further confound the issue, how much effeminate behavior in "queens" is -- for lack of a better word -- "natural" to them, and how much is acquired? I have known gay men who are basically masculine but who are capable of "camping" it up, even becoming a bit swishy, when they feel like it. Most gay men have no desire to do this, of course, but sometimes a gay man will want in no uncertain terms to let everyone in the room know he's gay and that's the way he'll choose to do it, by becoming a recognizable stereotype. (I would prefer they just tell people they're gay but to each his own.) Or maybe the first gay men who befriended him loved to camp and swish and he has consciously or unconsciously mimicked them throughout his life.
To add a note of humor, let me tell you the story of "Bubbalina." This guy was the cousin of my first boyfriend, and both were from Romania. Bubbalina spoke in such a high, squeaky voice that on the phone people would assume he was a woman. I figured that was just the way he talked, he couldn't do anything about it, because after all why would he talk that way if he could help it? One afternoon I came to see my boyfriend, with whom Bubbalina -- as the cousin was called -- was staying. I heard a deep, gruff masculine voice behind the door to the apartment telling my boyfriend's dog to "go away, get out of the way!" as someone opened the door for me and I assumed that one of my boyfriend's friends was visiting.
But when the door was opened there was Bubbalina!
The minute he saw me his eyebrows shot up, his mouth opened wide, and he went -- in that high, screechy, feminine voice -- "Oh, hello, look who's here, so nice to see" ---
To this day I've wondered what the hell was up with that? He had a perfectly nice, positively baritone voice -- why did he speak all the time in that screech? Or did he only do it in gay bars and among gay friends and relatives? And why? Was that simply his way of being gay? Did he enjoy it on some strange, campy, peculiar level?
For all I know Bubbalina could now be a closest case with a wife and six kids and the butchest persona of anyone you've ever met.
If there's a moral to this it's that no one has all the answers just yet. The gay community is entitled to its delightful weirdos just as the straight community is. Let's celebrate our diversity, and -- butch or femme -- be kind to each other and not worry about everything too much.
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