Okay, let's be honest, aren't most gay guys big queens? I mean, I'm a big queen. Can't speak for you, but isn't that the case for most of us? LL
Nope. In my experience, the vast majority of gay men are just average guys who happen to like other guys. You have to remember that the "big queens" as you call them, -- or the more "fabulous" or flamboyant, stereotypical members of the gay male community -- do tend to, well, stick out a little more. The media also tends to play up the more colorful members of the community. Therefore many people, gay and straight, can erroneously believe that most gay men are "queens" or femmes. It just ain't so. I'm not saying most gay guys are super-butch -- although gay guys like that certainly exist -- but remember that most straight guys aren't super-macho, either. There are even effeminate heterosexual men.
While most well-adjusted masculine gay men do not make fun or put down "femmes" -- although they may at times roll their eyes at certain behavior patterns -- I do recognize that many self-described queens want or need to believe that most gays are queens like them because it makes them feel more comfortable; the whole safety in numbers bit. Also some queens strictly hang out in places where other queens congregate -- they do not go to bear bars, for instance.
Speaking of which, I really think that this whole perception that all or most gay men are queens seems a little out of date with the emergence of bear culture. Although there are effeminate hairy guys, most bears (or otters or wolves or bear cubs and so on) are gay guys who do not fit into neat little stereotypes. And the bear community is huge.
Look, no one wants to be a minority within a minority, but look at it this way. The gay community is very diverse, and queens and drag queens are one part of it -- and the gay community would be a little duller, perhaps, without them. I also have to say that I have personally never seen a bear (or otter or wolf etc. etc.) be unkind to any femme gay guy who happens to wander into the scene or is a bear "chaser."
Celebrate our diversity. Celebrate yourself. Whether you're a butch bear or a "big queen," gay life can be -- is -- great, right?