Can you explain to me something about the "downlow" or "lowdown" or whatever it's called. Something to do with closeted men who are gay or bisexual. Is this just in the black community? I'm a straight woman but I'm curious about this phenomenon. Anon.
The downlow is an expression first used in and about the African-American community -- popularized by a major article in the Sunday New York Times Magazine some years ago -- but it's a situation that occurs within all ethnic backgrounds. Someone on the downlow is a person who is publicly straight but privately homosexual or bisexual, engaging in homosexual acts and occasionally relationships on the sly. Generally we're talking about men married to women who regularly engage in sex with other men. Despite this -- and because of the straight lifestyles they lead, not to mention the guilt and shame they feel -- most of these men think of themselves as being straight. They are not -- they are just in denial, suffering from internalized homophobia. Closet cases, in other words.
There is no reason to believe that this situation occurs more among black men than white, Asian, Latino etc. It also has to be said that in the African-American community there are many Out and Proud Gay Males. It is frequently said that this kind of situation develops more in male communities where machismo is king, but men of all ethnic backgrounds can fall prey to old-fashioned macho attitudes and the insecurities they engender. Some men on the downlow identify as bisexual, but think other men are just for sex and women are for relationships; in truth, their shame over their homosexuality would in all likelihood prevent them from developing a committed relationship with another male, or from recognizing in many cases that they are essentially homosexual.
Gay Liberation -- 99% of which is in the head -- is the antidote to the downlow.
Showing posts with label African-Americans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label African-Americans. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Blacks More Homophobic?
I have heard of a report which suggests that black people are more homophobic than white. Is this true? Anon.
Actually one study suggested that white people were more accepting of gay marriage than black people. And there are (mostly white) homophobes who are saying that if gay marriage is accepted it will supposedly help deteriorate the black family because black men (I assume they mean those on the "down-low") will not marry the mothers of their children. But since most of those down-low guys (who belong to all ethnic backgrounds, not just African-American) are deeply ashamed of their homoerotic feelings one can't imagine them marrying one of the guys they have sex with.
Let's keep things in perspective. Yes, there are homophobic African-Americans, and yes there are racist gays. But there are also Out and Proud Gay African-Americans as well as many straight African-Americans who are committed to Gay Rights (just as there have been many gays who have been committed to the civil rights struggle for blacks.) The fact that some members of minority groups have issues with other minority groups should not be used as an excuse to tolerate bigotry of any kind. Gays who may have conscious or sub-conscious racist feelings should not think those feelings are justified simply because there are homophobic African-Americans.
Our Gay Black Brothers and Sisters have a tough enough time belonging to two misunderstood minority groups. Let's not make it worse for them.
As for the homophobes, whatever race they may belong to: Let's do our best to educate them, and if that doesn't work, give them a good swift kick in the pants!
Actually one study suggested that white people were more accepting of gay marriage than black people. And there are (mostly white) homophobes who are saying that if gay marriage is accepted it will supposedly help deteriorate the black family because black men (I assume they mean those on the "down-low") will not marry the mothers of their children. But since most of those down-low guys (who belong to all ethnic backgrounds, not just African-American) are deeply ashamed of their homoerotic feelings one can't imagine them marrying one of the guys they have sex with.
Let's keep things in perspective. Yes, there are homophobic African-Americans, and yes there are racist gays. But there are also Out and Proud Gay African-Americans as well as many straight African-Americans who are committed to Gay Rights (just as there have been many gays who have been committed to the civil rights struggle for blacks.) The fact that some members of minority groups have issues with other minority groups should not be used as an excuse to tolerate bigotry of any kind. Gays who may have conscious or sub-conscious racist feelings should not think those feelings are justified simply because there are homophobic African-Americans.
Our Gay Black Brothers and Sisters have a tough enough time belonging to two misunderstood minority groups. Let's not make it worse for them.
As for the homophobes, whatever race they may belong to: Let's do our best to educate them, and if that doesn't work, give them a good swift kick in the pants!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Heterophobia?
During a discussion the other day someone brought up the subject of "heterophobia?" Is there really such a thing? Anon.
Not really. Or at least it certainly isn't the same kind of social ill as homophobia. The term "heterophobia" can be used to describe a negative attitude a gay (and possibly straight) person has about heterosexuality or straight people. In general, however, most, if not all, "heterophobia" is just a reaction to homophobia. After decades of being called "fags," "perverts," "dykes," and so on, some gay people began using the derisive term "breeders" to describe straight people, especially those who were homophobic. Of course gay people can also "breed," and the term isn't used very much today. It's possible that some gay people have been treated so horribly by straights, including their own relatives, having to deal with almost constant, daily verbal and even physical abuse, that they can develop a hatred of straight people, but much more often a gay person even in such a situation will retain his sense of balance.
Look at it this way. Some African-Americans may on occasion make negative (often humorous) comments about whites, but often this is simply a reaction to remarks whites have made about them, or even just an expression of Black Pride. So, too, with some Gays, who joke about, say, straight people having no sense of style or what-have-you. In most instances they're simply expressing Gay Pride. In truth, both the gay and straight communities are very diverse.
The fact is that while heterosexuals can be discriminated against if they belong to other minority groups (Black, Asian, Jewish, Hispanic etc.) or are female, they are not discriminated against because of their sexuality the way gays and other "queer" minorities are. Gay kids are routinely kicked out of their homes when they come out of the closet. Gay people can be fired from their jobs simply because they're gay in 31 states, and gay people can literally be put to death today in the 21st century in any number of third world nations. And so on.
So you see, even if there may be some "heterophobia" -- most if not all of which is entirely benign -- it doesn't in any way, shape, or form compare to homophobia, just as the anger some African-Americans feel toward whites, especially racist whites, does not compare to the racism suffered by black people at the hands of whites down through the centuries.
Not really. Or at least it certainly isn't the same kind of social ill as homophobia. The term "heterophobia" can be used to describe a negative attitude a gay (and possibly straight) person has about heterosexuality or straight people. In general, however, most, if not all, "heterophobia" is just a reaction to homophobia. After decades of being called "fags," "perverts," "dykes," and so on, some gay people began using the derisive term "breeders" to describe straight people, especially those who were homophobic. Of course gay people can also "breed," and the term isn't used very much today. It's possible that some gay people have been treated so horribly by straights, including their own relatives, having to deal with almost constant, daily verbal and even physical abuse, that they can develop a hatred of straight people, but much more often a gay person even in such a situation will retain his sense of balance.
Look at it this way. Some African-Americans may on occasion make negative (often humorous) comments about whites, but often this is simply a reaction to remarks whites have made about them, or even just an expression of Black Pride. So, too, with some Gays, who joke about, say, straight people having no sense of style or what-have-you. In most instances they're simply expressing Gay Pride. In truth, both the gay and straight communities are very diverse.
The fact is that while heterosexuals can be discriminated against if they belong to other minority groups (Black, Asian, Jewish, Hispanic etc.) or are female, they are not discriminated against because of their sexuality the way gays and other "queer" minorities are. Gay kids are routinely kicked out of their homes when they come out of the closet. Gay people can be fired from their jobs simply because they're gay in 31 states, and gay people can literally be put to death today in the 21st century in any number of third world nations. And so on.
So you see, even if there may be some "heterophobia" -- most if not all of which is entirely benign -- it doesn't in any way, shape, or form compare to homophobia, just as the anger some African-Americans feel toward whites, especially racist whites, does not compare to the racism suffered by black people at the hands of whites down through the centuries.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Gay Parties
How come gay people throw the best parties? Bicurious.
Do we? Well, I remember years ago some Caucasian friends saying that African-Americans "really know how to party" and, therefore, they threw the best parties, and I've heard the same thing said about other minority groups. It's not meant as an insult but it can be a little patronizing. I suppose some gay people say that gays throw the best parties as a simple expression of gay pride. Some straight people might think that gay parties are better because gays (some gays, I hasten to add) are more "fabulous" and colorful, and therefore more "fun". It's generally meant in a positive way but it can be awfully condescending.
Of course some straight-identified, conflicted individuals say gay people throw the best parties simply so they can explain what the hell they were doing at a gay party in the first place!
Do we? Well, I remember years ago some Caucasian friends saying that African-Americans "really know how to party" and, therefore, they threw the best parties, and I've heard the same thing said about other minority groups. It's not meant as an insult but it can be a little patronizing. I suppose some gay people say that gays throw the best parties as a simple expression of gay pride. Some straight people might think that gay parties are better because gays (some gays, I hasten to add) are more "fabulous" and colorful, and therefore more "fun". It's generally meant in a positive way but it can be awfully condescending.
Of course some straight-identified, conflicted individuals say gay people throw the best parties simply so they can explain what the hell they were doing at a gay party in the first place!
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