Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Straight Boyfriend with Anal Fetish?

I recently found out my ex bf has had his ex gf strap on a dildo and they did him from behind.. He wanted to tell me cuz we are trying to work things out. We did not brake up cuz of this situation...we broke up for different reasons.. He didn't want to tell me while were dating cuz he was scared I would judge him or brake up with him.. I asked him if he had been with men he said no, he said he does not find men attractive. He said he does not need it all the time but he likes it cuz it feels good. I'm not sure how to feel or what to do.. Any suggestion..

Thank you

I have met men with wives or girlfriends who have told me that the ladies in their lives strap on a dildo and penetrate them but these men identify as bisexual and may actually be gay. Sexuality can be confusing and complex, admittedly. All I can say is that many gay men do not like being anally penetrated ["tops"] so it seems odd that a straight man would. Your boyfriend sounds to me like a man who wants to have sex with men [a dildo is just a substitute for a penis] but doesn't see himself as gay or wants to be gay, probably due to what we call internalized homophobia -- his guilt and fear over his homosexual feelings. He could probably use some counseling to help him figure himself out and feel better about his homoerotic feelings. What started out as his girlfriend using a dildo may eventually turn into him seeking out male sex partners. Just to let you know.


Anonymous said...

I don't understand... Why would you say this?

A man has the physical capacity to feel the ultimate physical pleasure by stimulating his prostate.

How on earth a man who knows how that feels and likes it and wants his GIRLfriend to stimulate this is gay?

I think this is a very irresponsible thing to say.

A sexual act that works for someone is somehow related with their orientation or attraction?

Bill Samuels said...

Yes, in many cases, very much so. The vast majority of men who like to be anally penetrated are gay or bi. Men who have women do it instead of men are often dealing with their own negative attitudes towards homosexuality. A dildo, after all, is just a substitute for a penis. You say I'm somehow being irresponsible but I'm simply starting the facts. You need to get over your homophobia -- it's okay to be gay!

Anonymous said...

Bill, I know it's ok to be gay. I am gay.

But it's also ok not to be.

You repeatedly say that men who like to be anally penetrated are gay or bi. Is there some research on this? You say it's a fact. Can you direct me to the source of this information?
I'm very interested in reading it.

There is an other feeling I get from your text. You say that "many gay men do not like being anally penetrated ["tops"] so it seems odd that a straight man would".
What I read from that is that somehow there is an act that is so gay that not even all gays do (and, that been a top is less gay that been a bottom). Am I reading this wrong?

Bill Samuels said...

Look, Mr. Anonymous, I know it's perfectly okay not to be gay. Sometimes you just have to use common sense, however. No, of course it's not gayer to be a bottom than a top. I don't know who you are but if you want to believe there are loads of heterosexual men out there wanting to be anally penetrated by dildoes and none of them might prefer a dick but have issues about their sexuality, be my guest. You probably think there are thousands of allegedly straight guys who like to have sex with men -- go read that idiot Joe Kort's blog.

Can YOU point to scientific evidence that many totally straight men like to take it up the ass? And how can there ever be such evidence since there is often a wide divide between a person's orientation and what they identify as.

The woman who asked this question has a right to wonder what her boyfriend is really after and if she's going to start a life with a man who will ultimately prefer to be with men. It is not irresponsible for me to point that out.

As I've said, the men I've met who have women penetrate them with dildoes all identify as bisexual and gay. End of story. You may have met straight-identified guys who like to be penetrated, but as I said before about sexual orientation and identity ...