Monday, April 20, 2009

Gay Man, Straight Fetish

Is it possible for a gay man to have heterosexual fetishes? I am totally gay but I sometimes get a kick out of fooling around with certain kinds of women -- bosomy, blowzy, over made-up, slightly seedy but fun gals who are a certain age. I'm not bisexual; I have absolutely no interest in having sex with these women, but I don't mind getting hugs and lipsticky kisses from them -- I can find this arousing to a point but all it makes me want to do is ultimately find a guy to have sex with. I have no problem with this, I just wonder what's up? Anon.

I think you've just answered your own question. Something about women of the type you mention arouses some fetishistic interest in you for reasons that may be lost in the long-ago past. It doesn't mean you're straight or bisexual. Besides, being gay doesn't mean we find women repulsive, or can't even on occasion enjoy a kiss from a female. As long as you're not confusing this mild [sex for sex's sake] arousal of a certain kind with full-fledged sexual interest -- and especially if you're not leading these women on with expectations of a relationship -- I don't see any problem with it.

It can create an odd situation if an essentially gay man is turned on by something that is generally associated with women, or with some interaction with the opposite sex. Some men in this situation interact with drag queens [or are drag queens] instead of with women, so that they can do a gay spin on whatever "straight" kink it is that turns them on.

Now if you're spending too much time out on the hunt for women like this instead of interacting with the men you truly desire, it may be a problem. Fetishes and kinks are supposed to add spice to our sex lives (or at least our fantasies) not overtake them to such a point that they dominate our sexuality. If you find this is happening to you, you could always consider speaking to a therapist to find out where this fetish originates and what if anything you can do to suppress it, if such becomes necessary.

But it sounds to me like this is pretty harmless. Some guys conflicted with their sexuality may cling to a fetish like this to supposedly prove that they're straight, but it sounds as if you know better than that.

At least getting a lipstick kiss from a "blowzy" older woman is totally safe sex -- unless you've got a jealous boyfriend!


Anonymous said...

That's really interesting. I am completely the reverse (straight - gay). I've always wondered if I was the only person who was like this. Guess not.

Bill Samuels said...

Straight man with gay fetishes? I suppose it's possible but just make sure you're being totally honest with yourself. In any case, as long as it's not a problem for you, what's the harm, eh?

Thanks for your comment.

R10t Pol1ce said...

I know from experience that perfectly straight men can develop homosexual fetishes, so I see no reason why homosexuals can't develop heterosexual fetishes. I think you're born up or down attracted to males or females, with varying degrees of bias toward one or the other, and the latest scientific research shows it has something to do with which sex's sex hormone you get when you're in your mother's womb (really interesting stuff, look it up). But, theoretically, anyone can develop a fetish for anything if they develop enough Pavlovian associations with it and something they are inherently, instinctually attracted to.

Bill Samuels said...

Interesting stuff, and worth exploring. Thanks for your comments. Bill