Monday, November 10, 2008

Butch and Femme: The Facts

Are masculine gay men always tops and effeminate gay men always bottoms? Also are masculine gay men more likely to be married to women and/or bisexual? Anon.

The fact is that whether or not a gay man is stereotypical in his comportment usually provides little clue to his sexual behavior or even his private life or level of "outness." There are very masculine men who are strictly bottoms, and effeminate men who are strictly tops. There are even married [to women] homosexual men who seem obviously gay to everyone else.

I have met men who identify as bisexual and date/sleep with women as well as men and who are quite effeminate, and have also known many men who are very masculine and who are strictly and totally gay.

There is also an erroneous feeling among some people that stereotypical gay men are more likely to be out of the closet, and vice versa. Effeminate gay men may not be able to "pass" (and if they try to may elicit snickers), but I have met some who are completely in the closet. I also know many masculine gay men who are totally out of the closet.

People love to put everyone in neat little categories but it just doesn't work with gay men (or lesbians) anymore than it does with straight men and women. One simply can't and shouldn't come to easy conclusions about people even if it's tempting to do so.

As I've said many times, the gay community is incredibly diverse and everyone is an individual with individual tastes, attitudes, personal feelings towards themselves and their sexuality, and so on.

Viva la difference.

2 comments:

CupidsReviews Heidi said...

Butch and Femme I've only head for women but I guess it could fly for guys too. Either way bad generalizations come with both.

Bill Samuels said...

Very true. Actually for gay males the terms that are used most frequently are "butch number" and "queen."