Skinnyfat: The Movie and Thoughts About Body Image

Skinnyfat is the name of a funny movie about two [somewhat stereotypical] gay men who hate their bodies and are determined to do something about it, going to bizarre lengths to look better, including wearing fake physique pads over their chests and trying various outre regimens and formulas. Davy (Evan Johnson) and Chaz (Jayson Jaynes) have a condition known as "skinnyfat" [I assume the term was invented for this movie] in which essentially thin people feel that they're "fat" (or might as well be) because they're soft in the middle, have no muscle tone, lack a hard, athletic body, and so on. The movie was written, produced and directed by Andy Bydalek.

For me the funny thing about Skinnyfat is that it comes to us at a time when many gay men are scratching their heads at what at least seems like the vast amount of chubby chasers and obese guys in our community. True, this is probably more of a phenomenon in the middle-aged bear community than among twenty-somethings or in piano bars [or among guys like Davy or Chazz, whom I know exist but whom I encounter not very often]. Without putting anyone down, I have to confess that I find nothing at all sexy about obesity [I often say "I don't like my own fat (which there's much less of these days, thank goodness) let alone anyone else's."] When did the bear community become the unhealthy fat community? It's reached the point where the dominant image of a bear is not just a big man, but a very obese man, when that sort of individual used to be called a "chubby bear." As an acquaintance of mine once put it none too tactfully "since when does 'bear' mean 'lard-butt?'"

Let me digress. One night at my local bar as I sat talking with/cruising an interested and interesting fellow, a portly acquaintance comes over to us, lifts up his shirt, thrusts his fat, highly unattractive belly into the other man's face, and shouts "This is what's hot!" [Neither I nor the other man were impressed.] Hot? Not.

On another occasion a bunch of overweight men at the same bar strip down to their big bellies and begin rubbing each other all over as if excessive avoirdupois were the new aphrodisiac! Not.

On an even funnier occasion, a man with a belly so big that I privately refer to him as "octobear" -- he looks as if he'll give birth to octuplets any minute -- has his belly patted by a slender fellow as if the latter is the proud papa and this mama bear is about to give birth to their little ones any minute. I have to ask, since when did looking pregnant become desirable or sexy?  Guys who look at if they're nine months pregnant used to be embarrassed by their appearance-- now they pull off their tee shirts and flaunt it, baby! How can a man look pregnant and masculine at the same time? [With great difficulty I imagine.]

However, the gay male community is very diverse, and I'm glad there's someone interested in every type. [Such as bald middle-aged men with goatees! And I don't want any nasty emails about how I'm being mean to big guys or how I wouldn't like it if someone put down bald men and so on; we can all take care of ourselves, baby.] But I do wish these big-bellied fellows would get over themselves and stop strutting around as if everybody thinks they're hot. I would sooner have root canal surgery without anesthetic than get it on with Octobear, but I'm sure because some people want to worship his belly and wallow in his fat he thinks he is God's Gift to Gay Men. I'm happy they have their admirers, but all these Blubber-pusses need to get over it!

As for Skinnyfat, without giving too much away, the two protagonists eventually wind up at -- you guessed it -- a bear party where they discover that being big and fat is not always a negative.

As for me, I've recently lost ten pounds and am proud of it, but I'm not going to strut around showing off my flat stomach -- what good would it do me in a chubby chasing crowd anyway? Still, I like non-chubby guys and some of them seem to like me. I am now officially an otter and not a bear, and considering what "bear" has become that's all right with me. Unfortunately, if I lose any more weight I'm afraid that I, too, will become "skinnyfat" and so far I've never heard of a skinnyfat bear [or otter]. Maybe I'll be the first.

 For more info on Skinnyfat check out skinnyfatmovie.com and/or their Facebook page:: (facebook.com/skinnyfatmovie).  The film can be rented on either site.

"No Fats, No Femmes"

I was in a couple of gay bars the other night and saw a few guys flocking around these obese, effeminate men as if they were hot porn stars. Whatever happened to "no fats, no femmes" that you used to see -- have gay standards changed so much that a swishy guy who avoids the gym and takes absolutely no care of himself has suddenly become a sex symbol? I just don't get it.

You're not alone. But remember -- there's no accounting for taste except that everyone has his own "type." There have always been "chubby chasers" in the gay community and if there seem to be more of them than ever, it may be because the guys they like are feeling freer to go out and cruise now that there are places, such as bear bars, where they can feel comfortable and meet people who like them. Obese men used to avoid the typical gay bar or "meat market" because they feared no one would be interested, but the more accepting bear community -- where you can be older, fatter, balder, and not handsome and still find your share of admirers -- has changed the equation; you won't often find "big" guys cruising in "regular" gay bars.

The strange thing is that most "big and fat" guys tend to be admired because of their masculinity. Feminine chubby guys are even more of an acquired taste. There are men who don't focus on the total package, but simply have a fat fetish -- therefore it doesn't matter if the guy is masculine or not, or what he looks like as long as he has lots of excessive avoirdupois!

On one hand, it's good that all kinds of men who don't fit neatly into conventional standards of handsomeness can still have fun and feel attractive. On the other hand, as I've said before, there's a danger in making obese men, especially morbidly obese men, sex symbols. I'm well aware that the bear lifestyle has its good points, but perhaps in its gleeful disregard of taking care of yourself, it isn't doing a lot of gay guys much of a favor.

Blubber Belongs on Whales Not Men

Dr. Bill, I notice more and more in gay bars that many of the patrons are, frankly, enormous, but what's worse is that these guys often seem to attract much better-looking men. I have never been a chubby chaser, but we're not even talking about overweight guys or guys with pot bellies, but fucking ENORMOUS lard-butts. There seem to be so many of them and they seem to have their admirers. But why? What on earth is sexy about fat? Can you enlighten me on this? I just don't get it.
Now this is a timely question! First let me say that I don't think there's anything remotely sexy about fat, and I am just as baffled by the proliferation of "lard-butts" and even more so of the guys who like them, as you are. For the record these morbidly obese men are now called "manatees" after the huge, ungainly fish that resemble underwater elephants. I really can't understand what people find appealing about them.

I don't mean to be cruel, mind you. But programs like The Biggest Loser have shown that even the most corpulent person can still lose weight if they have sufficient motivation and the will to do so. Obesity is preventable. You can talk all you want about hormones and big bones and all the rest, the fact is that the vast majority of manatees stuff their faces with anything they can get their hands on and the only exercise they get is when the TV remote falls on the floor and they have to bend over to pick it up.

Do I sound unsympathetic? It's because I am. I may need to lose a couple of pounds, but I have managed to stay in reasonably good shape for several years after dropping about forty pounds. Anyone can watch their diet and get some exercise. It's tougher for some than others -- you have to factor in not just weight, but age, metabolism, general health etc. etc -- but it's never impossible.

As for the attraction? I believe most of the guys who like manatees are insecure and have a need to be with someone who is much less attractive (to most people) than they are. They are dealing with self-esteem issues. For some people, fat is a fetish that makes as little sense as most fetishes do. They are just turned on by excessive avoirdupois and that's that. The rest of us are utterly repulsed, of course, scratching our heads when we see an attractive (to us) man on a date or -- gross! -- making out with a manatee.Then there are those highly neurotic individuals [regardless of sex or sexual orientation] who can't deal with life and subconsciously want to get back inside mommy's womb where they feel safe. Being surrounded by all that blubber (not to mention the humungous man boobs most manatees possess) creates a similar feeling of well-being [in sharp contrast to the revulsion most of us would feel].

The trouble with manatees is that they are not healthy individuals. Yes, it may be true that being thin doesn't always mean that you're healthy, but weighing 290 pounds or more can never be healthy. The strain on the heart, high blood pressure, and so on, makes these guys walking time bombs. They don't have healthy diets. If their admirers, boyfriends, lovers etc. really cared about them, they would do just about anything to get them to lose weight!

[I briefly dated a guy who suggested I put on at least 20 pounds. That was not going to happen, no matter how cute he was. He disappeared, and I imagine he is now happily partnered with a behemoth. Better him than me. As one friend said, if he really cared about you he wouldn't have wanted you to become obese.]

Manatees are an outgrowth of the bear movement; they are especially large chubby bears [at least if they're hairy]. But while many bears can have a solidity to them, a paunchy football player appeal, manatees tend to be roly poly or sloppy fat, are often smooth-skinned, and frequently effeminate to boot. Stereotypical Big Fat Bears also have an unhealthy lifestyle.

Another thing to keep in mind is that most gay men are not attracted to manatees. You can find them and their admirers in certain bars, but not in most of them. So there is hope for those of us who don't break the scale during our weekly weigh-in.

But it just goes to show that in the diverse gay male community, there truly is someone for everyone.

Years ago I attended a party at a group for chubbies and chasers called Girth and Mirth with a portly friend. [This was before I'd put on weight myself.] I felt a little bad that the really fat guys were completely ignored while everyone chased the thin men. Now the tide seems to have turned a little -- at least for a time. But trends tend to peter out, and I suspect it won't be long before this whole fat thing will become tiresome for all but a few, and getting in shape will once more become the thing to do.

Lastly, is being attracted to hairy men a fetish? No doubt it is for some guys, but more often it simply signifies an attraction to masculinity; a hairy chest is more masculine than a smooth one. Ironically not all hairy men are masculine and not all smooth men are queens.