I have really enjoyed your recent blogs on weight issues. [Thank you.] I am a bear chaser, or at least I used to be, now more of a pocket bear. Anyways some chasers do care about their partners health. When I met my boyfriend he was about 230 lbs. Which looks really good on his stocky "bull" build. However after a few years (February of 2012 will be our 10 year anniversary) he gained, going up to about 370 lbs at his biggest.
While I am not a fetish feeder, I am a good cook. I feel partly
responsible because I would bake him cakes, and other treats. It was
my not my intention to make him obese, I just wanted to make him happy.
Food made him happy. So whenever he was mad or mean or grumpy. I would
bake a pie, and it would fix things. I realize that it was a huge
I never stopped being attracted to him. And sometimes I envy his
large size due to the ability to intimidate people with his size. I
have been helping him to loose weight, and he as dropped 50 lbs. I would
love for him to get down to 230 and be able to go off of insulin. But I
can not force him to exercise. He has a much stronger will than me and
he does not take orders from anyone. All I can really do is to try to be
supportive. I do not buy a lot of junk food. And deserts are a rare
treat now instead of a daily occurrence. I hope that he does get
healthier and starts to enjoy life more. But I can not force him to. I
guess my overly long point is some chasers do care about the health and
well being of their bears. [Very glad to hear it! Bill]
Part 2: .My question
As from my first comment. I am in a nearly 10 year relationship. My
boy friend is 16 years older than me. When we met I was 22 he was 38.
At that time I had near 0 chest hair, and just ok beard coverage. Now
through aging and some minoxidil use, I have a pretty kick ass beard.
And even some (though still wish I had more ) chest hair.
Our problem arises in that my boyfriend hates full beards, but I
really want one. I have made the concession in the past to have a goatee
in the summer(that he likes) and the beard in the winter. We are in
Florida so really only 2 seasons. However he is already starting to
complain about the beard.
He thinks I should do what he finds attractive. And while I can see
his point, I still have a desire to be fully furried. How much should
I give in on this? I mean I like to make him happy but the beard gets
me all kinds of positive reaction. Especially from straight men who find
My bf is very hairy (Italian) but himself is more in to smooth guys.
And never cared for the bear scene. we don't really go out anymore
except to local straight bars and restaurants, because he thinks gay bars
can cause relationship problems he prefers strict monogamy). I admit
that my smoothness was why I got to have him. I also always wish I were
like him and had that beautiful bearness.
I suppose I should at least give in for his birthday and shave. But
the beard will definitely be back before Christmas. How should I deal
with the nagging? How can I respect his feelings while still being who I
want to be?
Thank you so much for your time, and your blogs. Just writing you makes me feel a lot better.
Okay, I have to ask, what do you care what straight men think about your beard? Surely your partner of ten years' opinion matters more than some straight guy? I mean, what's up with that, LOL? Gay guys generally want to change their appearance to attract other gay guys!
I have a feeling you like the beard because it makes you feel/look butcher [or what some guys with an old-fashioned sensibility might say "straighter."]? There's nothing wrong with wanting to look more masculine -- and the whole bear/hairy guy thing has a lot of do with masculinity -- but a man can be smooth and clean-shaven and not-so-macho and still be attractive.
On the other hand, you have a right to feel good about yourself and look the way you want to. My advice is to tell your lover that you'll get rid of the beard -- or only wear it in winter -- when he gets down to a healthy recommended size! That may motivate 'im! Just as he wants you to look a certain way, you have the right to prefer him to look a certain way as well.
Your partner is 16 years older than you, getting older, and may be a little insecure, which may be why he's nervous about the bar scene, but if the two of you go to a bar together it shouldn't be a problem. He's undoubtedly afraid that at nearly twenty years his junior you have a wandering eye -- you didn't really have that much time to sow your wild oats, as they say, before getting into a long-time partnership. The answer is compromise. [I always been in favor of modified open relationships -- I frankly think relationships last longer that way -- but a great many gay men disagree with me on this. Different strokes ...]
If the two of you love each other and enjoy each other's company and are there for each other during the rough patches of life, then everything else will work itself out. Good luck!