Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Younger Man Older Man

NOTE: Occasionally I will respond to a comment that has been left regarding one post by starting a new post, as I have this time. This was a comment on my post on Falling in Love with a Younger Man:

Variation on a theme here. But I think the same outcome for me in the end.

The age difference is larger (I'm 42 and he's 19), and we've chatted online and webcammed for 6 months. We live in different cities and while we met briefly a few months ago just to hang out for a few hours, finally met this past weekend and pretty much spent the weekend together having a wild time (which included sex for two nights). I can't stop thinking about him and he says the same about me. Feels like love to me and I'm not sure at 19 he knows what that is, but he says the same about me.

I think there are only a few choices for the future here. Change my life to be with him, change the relationship and still be friends or totally end it. My heart wants the first one but realistically it has to be one of the other two. I'm not sure how to get to those stages though to be honest. I guess I'm having trouble building the courage to get there as well. Open to thoughts and opinions. Thinking I need to grow up here and "do the right thing". Rip the bandage off as it were and see where it ends up.

Like I've said in the past a successful relationship with such a large age difference is not impossible, but I'd be kidding you if I said it would be easy. You're dealing with a teenager, and no matter how mature he may be for his age (or not) he probably isn't ready to settle down with anyone, whereas you're at just the right age to do so. It sounds like you're having a wild sexual fling with a sexy young guy -- good for you, by the way! -- but while an infatuation can seem pretty intense -- it can certainly feel and hurt as much as love -- in the long run it's still just an infatuation. A few months of webcamming and a couple of nights of hot sex don't necessarily add up to a relationship. If a 19-year-old gets involved with an older man, there's usually some underlying reason for it. [I don't have to explain the reason why older men get involved with younger guys!] Is he trying to run from some bad situation? Is he looking for a father surrogate? Does he want to escape a bad family situation? Ultimately, what this young guy may need is a friend, but everything becomes complicated when you add in the sexual and romantic feelings you both have.

I probably don't have to tell you that when you enter into a relationship with a teenager [thank god he's an adult!] you're opening a whole can of worms, especially if he's still living at home. Befriend this guy if you want, have some mutually satisfying safe sex with him when you can, but as I've advised others, keep your eyes open for someone more age appropriate. 42 is still young. If you can have a 19 year old fuck buddy, boyfriend, what-have-you, you can certainly attract nice-looking men in their thirties and forties.

Still, I have met happy couples who had even more than a twenty-three year age difference. There were complications, there always are in these situations, but if the two of you really do come to love one another that strongly, who knows? You're the older person, but for all I know he could be much more experienced. If this is your first big gay fling, I'd say keep things in perspective and take it slow.

No comments: