Thursday, March 20, 2008

Crush on a Bartender

I have a big crush on a bartender at a local bar. He seems to be attracted to me as well. Neither of us have partners. But I'm afraid if it doesn't work out or even if it does and we break up, it'll be awkward to see him all the time. If the sex is lousy it will be even more awkward. What should I do? RP.

First, remember that one of the big perks of being a bartender is all the customers you have to choose from for potential sex partners. That may be all this guy is after, so don't start planning your life together just yet. Chances are he's tricked with several of the customers already. (Or it may be that he's reluctant to do so for the very same reasons you mention.) Second, even if the two of you have great sex and even become an item, it doesn't mean that you won't remain friendly even if ultimately one or both of you realizes the other is not the Man of Your Dreams. I know bartenders who are still friends with ex-lovers who regularly come into the bar where they work. While I recognize your concerns, one shouldn't pull back from an enjoyable episode or a relationship just because things may not work out in the long run -- no one would ever date!

If your chief feelings for this guy are sexual, and he suggests you get together, why deprive yourself of a possible good time? All of us have tricked one time or another with someone we might run into regularly and while it can be temporarily awkward if the evening wasn't so successful for one reason or another, it's easy enough to get past it. The other guy is probably hoping you won't talk about it just as much as you're hoping he'll keep it to himself. Some day you'll both laugh about it!

If your feelings for the guy are romantic, a sexual episode may be just the thing to take the edge off and to help the both of you get to know each other a little better -- as long as you remember it's just casual [and safe!] sex. But be cautious! He may be of the "fuck 'em and forget 'em" variety. If he's especially attractive he probably has lots of guys to choose from. (Anyway, I know you're not in love with this guy or you wouldn't care about any of this -- you'd just want to get your hands on him, literally and figuratively!)

Another thing to remember is that some bartenders (and customers) are flirtatious with virtually everyone. It's part of their personality or a way of getting tips. If you proposition him you might find out he's not very serious. Better to let him make the first move. (In my experience most bartenders are not bashful about going after who they want.)

That being said -- nothing ventured, nothing gained. I hope I've helped a little in helping you decide whether or not you should go home with this guy, assuming one day he'll ask.

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