Thursday, August 29, 2013

Boyfriend Stares at Men

I'm kind of convinced the guy I've been dating for 6 months may be gay. He stares at other men ALL the time; only wants oral from me (says sex with a condom is difficult); and now seems to be attempting to interact with a tranny on FB whom he is not friends with (okay, he liked one post but there seems to be "straight" men buzzing about her page). I've asked him twice (sort of) if he was gay; once when we were in bed. He simply said no. I called him out when we were out one night. He stared at several men for a prolonged period of time. Upon hearing my assertion that he stared at men too long he got angry.

A few nights ago he stared at several men on the way home. He kept on looking back at me to see if I was looking ... I was.

Your thoughts? I want to say my instincts are right. He has loads of other issues I don't have time to discuss including some nerve and back problems which makes me understand the lack of sex but not his odd -- for a "straight guy" -- behaviour.

Many thanks!

Well, frankly, his staring at other guys -- and especially his trying to do it surreptitiously -- is a big red flag. Also, some men who are attracted to other men are initially interested in trans women or drag queens because they see them as women [of course trans women are women] but are turned on by the masculine connection -- a drag queen is still a guy and has a penis, while a trans woman once had a penis [or still does if she hasn't had surgery yet]. Men who get sexually involved with them can tell themselves they're not really having sex with a man [which is true in the case of the Trans woman, but not with the drag queen.]

I would say this fellow at least has some attraction for men but isn't ready to be upfront about it. The problem is, until he's ready, you don't know if he's gay or genuinely bi, and if the latter, if his preference [if he's totally honest with himself] is men, in which case he might as well be gay. Who needs a conflicted boyfriend who may be planning sexual escapades behind your back?

Try and draw him out in a sympathetic, non-judgmental way. If he seems deceptive or hostile, you're probably better off moving on.  

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