Cute and Delicate

hi Bill! Well lets start with this, i love the way women look! smooth skin, slender looks, playful hair, nice hips, beautiful lips... you know, only i don't like it like any boy does, oh no, i like it as in I would like to look like that. Now this is where it gets odd -- I'm not TG [transgender], i don't want to get implants or even less get a sex change operation, no not anything like that. i just want to look and be all cute and delicate.

I know its weird, and ever since i had a boyfriend a couple of months ago i realised that I'm not straight (what a surprise right?). The current conflict to me is that i have this impulse to do what i can to look girly -- i grew out my hair and style it in a very womanly way, i depilated everything from the neck down (you should see how weird i look with a beard). Genetics did me the favor of giving me nice hips and not too broad shoulders (posture fixes this greatly) and must i say that i wear tight jeans and shirts?

But the trouble comes at this point: my boyfriend broke up with me since he insisted that i was "a woman in a man's body." That's not true, for starters as i have told my friends "does this look like a man's body?" i simply love the looks, i still enjoy being a man, just not a manly one, but still a lot of people keep doing their little "interventions." Why is it they question me this much? is it hard to believe what i want? is there a problem with it?

i don't know if you re the one to ask about this last part [probably not! -- Bill] but i hope you can at least point out where i can find about this... Lately I've had this need to further it more, i wanted to do some work to my face, but I'm afraid of surgery! Someone also mentioned hormone therapy, he even said it would remove my Adam's apple, and tone out my hips and legs and even make my skin softer (which i am OBSESSED over) but i also heard that it would make my chest get plumped, which i absolutely would not like! i don't know how that would happen, if its very slight and just some soreness i could stand it, but if its a full blown buy-yourself-a-bra then we've got a problem! i don't want to have breasts! it's one of the womanly things i don't want!! and also i heard that it could cause some manly problems, and i sure as hell like having a functional penis! [Don't we all!]

I'm very scared go into any procedure since all i have done is very superficial and not aggressive (which is only in hair, style, depilation, and moisturising and stuff to make my skin dandy!) but it would make me even happier to look even more like that! Much thanks in advance!!!

Okay. You're right that I'm probably not the one to ask about skin moisturizers, hair care products [I have no hair, baby!], hormone therapy and the like, but I will respond to some of your other comments. Although you may not be transsexual, you could probably get more information about hormone therapy and the like on a site that deals with transgender issues.

First, there's nothing wrong in being a "girly" gay guy, if that's what you're comfortable with. A certain percentage of gay males are stereotypical in that they have some identification with and characteristics of the opposite sex without being transsexuals or wanting to actually be female. In that sense you are "transgender" [or at least androgynous] -- you have female and/or womanly qualities that you cherish. There's no shame in that.

I'm assuming that your boyfriend broke up with you because he's more into the "butch" type of gay man, and if that's the case there isn't much you can do about it. You have to be true to yourself.

I think some of your friends question your "girliness" and what it may mean because guys who think about getting hormone treatments are generally transsexual. [I'm not saying that that's the case with you, but if it is you need to acknowledge it.] However, I do understand that there are men [including some straight guys, believe it or not] who love being and looking feminine and yet still feel they are -- and are -- men. And there are people who feel they are, or at least want to be, "gender-free."

Now about hormone therapy. This is the bit that makes your friends and former boyfriend wonder about you. I understand your desire to be as feminine as possible, but when you're talking about hormone therapy you're taking it a big step further. And any kind of surgery has its risks. I get that you want to be frilly and feminine while still being a man, so getting hormones seems pretty extreme. There may be some gay men out there who appreciate man-boobs, but I imagine they're few in number!

Before you take that big a step, talk to professionals who are very knowledgeable about hormones and their effects, and it wouldn't hurt to get some counseling or therapy [no, I'm not suggesting that you're crazy or anything like that] to determine if hormone therapy would be the right psychological step for you.

But most of all, be comfortable in your own skin, be it soft and feminine like yours, or a bit grizzled and bearded like mine, LOL!