Democratic mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio has a wife, Chirlane McCray, who years ago wrote about being a black lesbian for Essense magazine. She doesn't identity as bisexual who fell in love with a man but says she is a "former" lesbian. Isn't she basically an "ex-gay?" Now de Blasio is running against openly gay Christine Quinn and his wife has made remarks that border on homophobia. Is de Blasio also an ex-gay or closet queen? Is this a case of two homosexuals getting married because they think they'll get farther in politics and life?
I wouldn't doubt it, as I know such couples exist, but no one aside from the de Blasios can say for certain.
To all intents and purposes, McCray does come off to me as an "ex-gay," even if she doesn't generally make negative pronouncements against gay people to my knowledge [although I agree that her comments regarding Ms. Quinn were highly questionable and her response to criticism about it as specious as earlier remarks concerning her sexual orientation].
Let's take a moment to examine a statement she made regarding her sexuality:
“I am more than just a label. Why are people so driven to labeling
where we fall on the sexual spectrum? Labels put people in boxes, and
those boxes are shaped like coffins [!]. Finding the right person can be so
hard that often, when a person finally finds someone she or he is
comfortable with, she or he just makes it work. As my friend Vanessa
says, 'It's not whom you love; it's that you love.'"
This is just the sort of thing used by self-hating homosexuals and closet cases to duck the whole [to them] odious gay issue. McCray doesn't understand that "labeling" yourself as gay is one way of expressing your pride [your lack of shame] in being gay and fighting against the oppression of the closet that has made it that much tougher over the years for gay men and women to finally have all of their rights. If you carefully examine her words you get the impression this is a mixed marriage of companionship and compromise, and hardly a union of genuine honesty and passion. In other words, a friendship that helps each person meet each other's supposed needs. McCray's reference to "boxes shaped like coffins" is also very telling, revealing that her unconscious mind thinks being gay is a dead end. This is in my opinion a woman full of severe self-hated and very negative attitudes about being a lesbian, regardless of how she may have consciously felt years before. Maybe she was very badly hurt by another woman or never met one whom she felt could help her reach her goals.
People who claim this is a "non-issue," such as Kat Stoffel in a brief piece in New York magazine, are missing the point. In these more enlightened [but hardly totally enlightened] days of gay marriage, the fact is that sham and "mixed" marriages and "former" lesbians, harkening back as they do to feelings of shame and negativity, are very passe and tiresome indeed.