You had a post recently about the s & m/kink/fetish scene and how it was not strictly a gay scene at all. My question is, I'm dating a guy and he's into that scene and wants me to be into it too. He's a great guy, I'm very attracted to him, but the sex leaves something to be desired. It's less about "vanilla" sex and more about spanking, playing out scenes, role-playing, and frankly I'm not into it at all. One thing I hate is he's into biting and I just hate it; I have sore lips for days. Should I just keep trying to get into the things he's into? Am I being narrow-minded? I want to keep dating him, but I'm just not diggin' the things he does. Confused.
Lousy sex is lousy sex, and in this instance lousy sex is something that you're not only not into, but that is a complete turn-off to you. [Don't you just hate it when they want to bite your lips instead of kiss them?] This isn't a question of being judgmental -- some guys like to be bitten -- but of understanding and accepting that some people just aren't compatible. It's not narrow-minded to favor one form of sexual expression over another. You're not rejecting him as a friend or human being, but you may have to "reject" him as a lover. And vice versa.
Do you get the impression that he expects you to do all the things he wants, but he's not willing to do what you want? Or have you even broached the subject with him? It seems to me if you're willing to experiment a little with him then he can return the favor and indulge in a little garden variety sucking and fucking with you -- without the biting, bondage, role-playing and so on that he favors. But that just may be the way he's built.
You may be avoiding the subject with him because, as you say, you like the guy and don't want to stop dating him -- or have him stop dating you -- but unless the two of you can find some common ground, you may have to settle for friendship instead of romance. He may be a guy who just likes a little s & m now and then to spice up his love life, but it sounds as if he's very heavy into the scene, and really needs/prefers a partner who's into it as much as he is.
Talk it over with him and see if he has any real interest in some "vanilla" [ordinary] sex with you.
But I have a feeling you're going to have to move on once you get sick and tired of the sore lips.