I have a big crush on a bartender at a local bar. He seems to be attracted to me as well. Neither of us have partners. But I'm afraid if it doesn't work out or even if it does and we break up, it'll be awkward to see him all the time. If the sex is lousy it will be even more awkward. What should I do? RP.
First, remember that one of the big perks of being a bartender is all the customers you have to choose from for potential sex partners. That may be all this guy is after, so don't start planning your life together just yet. Chances are he's tricked with several of the customers already. (Or it may be that he's reluctant to do so for the very same reasons you mention.) Second, even if the two of you have great sex and even become an item, it doesn't mean that you won't remain friendly even if ultimately one or both of you realizes the other is not the Man of Your Dreams. I know bartenders who are still friends with ex-lovers who regularly come into the bar where they work. While I recognize your concerns, one shouldn't pull back from an enjoyable episode or a relationship just because things may not work out in the long run -- no one would ever date!
If your chief feelings for this guy are sexual, and he suggests you get together, why deprive yourself of a possible good time? All of us have tricked one time or another with someone we might run into regularly and while it can be temporarily awkward if the evening wasn't so successful for one reason or another, it's easy enough to get past it. The other guy is probably hoping you won't talk about it just as much as you're hoping he'll keep it to himself. Some day you'll both laugh about it!
If your feelings for the guy are romantic, a sexual episode may be just the thing to take the edge off and to help the both of you get to know each other a little better -- as long as you remember it's just casual [and safe!] sex. But be cautious! He may be of the "fuck 'em and forget 'em" variety. If he's especially attractive he probably has lots of guys to choose from. (Anyway, I know you're not in love with this guy or you wouldn't care about any of this -- you'd just want to get your hands on him, literally and figuratively!)
Another thing to remember is that some bartenders (and customers) are flirtatious with virtually everyone. It's part of their personality or a way of getting tips. If you proposition him you might find out he's not very serious. Better to let him make the first move. (In my experience most bartenders are not bashful about going after who they want.)
That being said -- nothing ventured, nothing gained. I hope I've helped a little in helping you decide whether or not you should go home with this guy, assuming one day he'll ask.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Is My Mate Gay?
Hey mate I'm in my last year at school and I don't really wanna come out at school, but I have fallen for my mate, who has hinted to me he might be bisexual, by saying stuff like he has got off with a guy when slightly tipsy b4, but I don't wanna risk losing the friendship and ruining my whole school life by telling him how I feel. Do you have any tips at all in ways I could find out for sure that he is in the same boat as I am, and whether we could have a relationship without either of us coming out until we leave school? m.
Aside from intimacy, there's no absolute, positive way to tell for certain if someone is gay or bi (okay, an older person might be able to pick up certain indefinable signs that a younger person might not), but your mate has already hinted that he's fooled around with guys. The thing is, is he trustworthy? Was he telling the truth or only trying to find out if you're gay? Of course, if it's the latter, then he might be gay himself and as interested in you as you are in him (or at least hopes for some support). The trouble is that even if he's gay he may not be willing to admit it to anyone at this point, even you. And if you seriously think that he's likely to blab to everyone about what you've told him about yourself then you obviously don't think he's to be trusted just yet.
I suppose you could start a conversation with him on the subject without making any actual disclosure. You could say a closeted friend or acquaintance came out to you and see what your mate's reaction is. If he's positive and sympathetic, that's a start. He may confess all. [And for all you know, his mentioning of the gay incident that occurred while he was "tipsy" may have been a way for him to see how you felt about it, a starting off point for his own coming out. He might have been trying to see what reaction you would have to his own disclosure.] At least it will begin a dialog on the subject that may help you make a determination one way or the other. And his reaction to this imaginary person's coming out may also give you a hint as to how he'd react if he knew you were gay.
But be careful. When you're infatuated with someone, it's all too easy to imagine they're gay -- or at least that they're comfortable with their sexuality -- when they aren't. His saying that he got off with a guy, if true, is a red flag, of course. I can tell you that 100% hetero guys do not have sex with other guys even when under the influence. But whether he's comfortable with this or looking for a relationship is another story. He may not yet think of himself as being gay or even bi.
If he does come out to you and vice versa, don't immediately tell him about your deeper feelings for him. Give him time to digest the news. Even if he's gay, he may just want you for a mate. And he may not want to date you or anything else until you're both out of school. Yes, gay people can date each other while still in the closet, but of course it's easier when both are Out.
But the most important thing to remember is that Gay is Good. Have pride in yourself and all the rest will follow. Even if this mate of yours is not gay, not ready, or just not interested, there are many other young men out there waiting to meet you! Remember, when you're ready for intimacy, stay safe, and look forward to all the wonderful years ahead of you.
If you have more questions, let me know. Good luck!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Gay Men and the Arts
Why are so many gay men attracted to the arts? Just asking. BB.
Just answering, I think the whole business of gay men and the arts is another stereotype. Sure, there are lots of gay men who appreciate or who are in the arts, but there are also thousands and thousands of straight actors, musicians, painters, composers, authors, art fans and so on, yet for some reason nobody ever says that heterosexual men are attracted to the arts. If a higher percentage of gay men are attracted to the arts -- and that's a big if -- it may be because gay men may feel freer to indulge in less "macho" pursuits (such as race car driving, steel work, etc.) -- they may feel less pressure to conform -- whereas some straight guys (and closeted gays) may feel that some "soft" or intellectual professions (writing, composing) are not "manly" enough and may raise eyebrows. Of course, the reverse is also true in that some gays (especially closeted ones) and straights overcompensate by taking up the most macho professions they can think of. [And think of all the actors who take up race car driving because acting, to them, is not a manly enough profession.] Lots of men, gay and straight, resist high-brow arts such as opera and ballet because they think of it as "girlie" or something, but it's only their loss.
It's all a load of crap, of course.
There are countless gay men in professions who have nothing to do with the arts, everything from dentists to football players. Now that the huge gay bear community in particular is getting more and more attention it's becoming apparent that gay men can not always be easily categorized -- we come in all varieties. There are a great many gay sports fans and athletes, for instance. Some gay men who are well-rounded individuals will watch a football game one afternoon and go to the theater at night. Ditto for some straight guys.
Gay men come in all shapes and sizes and have all kinds of interests and professions. The same is true for lesbians.
Just answering, I think the whole business of gay men and the arts is another stereotype. Sure, there are lots of gay men who appreciate or who are in the arts, but there are also thousands and thousands of straight actors, musicians, painters, composers, authors, art fans and so on, yet for some reason nobody ever says that heterosexual men are attracted to the arts. If a higher percentage of gay men are attracted to the arts -- and that's a big if -- it may be because gay men may feel freer to indulge in less "macho" pursuits (such as race car driving, steel work, etc.) -- they may feel less pressure to conform -- whereas some straight guys (and closeted gays) may feel that some "soft" or intellectual professions (writing, composing) are not "manly" enough and may raise eyebrows. Of course, the reverse is also true in that some gays (especially closeted ones) and straights overcompensate by taking up the most macho professions they can think of. [And think of all the actors who take up race car driving because acting, to them, is not a manly enough profession.] Lots of men, gay and straight, resist high-brow arts such as opera and ballet because they think of it as "girlie" or something, but it's only their loss.
It's all a load of crap, of course.
There are countless gay men in professions who have nothing to do with the arts, everything from dentists to football players. Now that the huge gay bear community in particular is getting more and more attention it's becoming apparent that gay men can not always be easily categorized -- we come in all varieties. There are a great many gay sports fans and athletes, for instance. Some gay men who are well-rounded individuals will watch a football game one afternoon and go to the theater at night. Ditto for some straight guys.
Gay men come in all shapes and sizes and have all kinds of interests and professions. The same is true for lesbians.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Crooked penis question
As a young gay man, I find your blog not only entertaining but incredibly informative. I’ve asked myself quite a few of the questions you’ve answered like, “are most gay men alcoholics?” I wanted to ask you about a particular erectile dysfunction many of your readers are sure to find very interesting—penile curvature. I’ve been face-to-face with this issue, but most men don’t realize that more than 1.4 million men in the U.S. suffer from penile curvature. This ailment is called Peyronie’s disease and it’s characterized by the formation of a plaque or hardened scar tissue beneath the skin of a man’s penis, which may lead to a painful curved erection. Have you heard of it?
The scariest part is that 50% of primary care physicians don’t think there is a treatment that works. There is this community called www.menshealthpd.com that is helping to set matters straight (pun very intended). The site equips men and doctors with information about signs and symptoms, and a full listing of the treatment options and how well each works. It also has a physician finder.
Since penile curvature can be a touchy subject, I figured you talking about it might motivate men and their partners to address the issue. There’s a public forum for the community where men can anonymously share experiences amongst themselves.
I’d love for you to take a peek around the site and share your feedback with your readers. Feel free to contact me with any questions. YG.
The scariest part is that 50% of primary care physicians don’t think there is a treatment that works. There is this community called www.menshealthpd.com that is helping to set matters straight (pun very intended). The site equips men and doctors with information about signs and symptoms, and a full listing of the treatment options and how well each works. It also has a physician finder.
Since penile curvature can be a touchy subject, I figured you talking about it might motivate men and their partners to address the issue. There’s a public forum for the community where men can anonymously share experiences amongst themselves.
I’d love for you to take a peek around the site and share your feedback with your readers. Feel free to contact me with any questions. YG.
Many thanks for this information and for your comments. No, I had not heard of this and I'm happy to share information about it. Peyronie's is caused by an injury (sometimes during sex) or other kind of trauma to the penis, and is characterized by the formation of hardened scar tissue beneath the skin of the penis that my lead to curvature and pain during erection. Typically it affects men aged 45 - 65, but mostly in the mid-fifties. Sometimes surgery is required to repair the damage, but doctors carefully discuss the options with the affected patient and his partner. There are things that can be done for this!
The web site cited above provides much information about this, as well as support for sufferers.
Thanks again for bringing this to my attention.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Looks Discrimination
Although I am young, 24, I do not have the requisite 'hot body' or 'handsome face' that seems obligatory if you are to get a lover in the gay world. Hot guys turn up their noses at me, and I am forced to have sex with trolls. So what advice, Dr. Bill, would you have for those of us who do not fit into the required hot looks category? Anon.
"Forced to have sex with trolls," huh? Do you see how hypocritical you're being? You complain about not being good-looking enough to attract hot guys, then you turn around and put down the men who are attracted to you because they're not hot enough.
In other words you're exhibiting the same superficial mentality of the men that you say "turn up their noses" at you.
Gay or straight, it's easy to get bitter if you're not conventionally attractive in this world. But there's so much more to landing a man than good looks. I know guys who have such a dynamic personality, warmth and humor that they can practically talk their way into anybody's bed. (I am by no means conventionally handsome -- nor young by today's standards --but I'm often surprised how young and attractive many of my partners are.) A lot has to do with self-confidence and your own attitude toward yourself and others. If you walk into a bar with an "attitude," glaring at all those around you who dare not to be attracted to you, you
will probably turn off anyone who does find you attractive.
Let's get past this hokey, old-fashioned notion that all gay men -- or even most -- are superficially obsessed with youth and looks. Sure, everybody likes a good-looking guy, but you have to expand upon what "good-looking" is. In the gay bear community, for instance, paunches, bald heads, and hairy bodies -- turn-offs to many gay men -- are assets. There are other attributes, such as masculinity, a sense of humor, a sheer vibrant sensuality, that can make up for a lack of traditional good looks.
You can't blame "hot" guys for going after other hot guys when you yourself are doing the same thing.
The truth is most men -- gay or straight -- do not conform to the buff body, chiseled features stereotype of the professional male model or porn star (not all of whom are universally lusted after in any case. I frequently see models and porn stars that I am not in the least attracted to, and vice versa, I'm sure). But most men still get laid and find love, right? Stop being trapped by your own narrow vision of what's attractive.
With a new attitude, less hatred for yourself and contempt for others who don't fit neatly into the "hot" category, you may find not only hot safe sex but love.
Remember that some of those "trolls" are in their own way attractive men who are looking for love just as you are.
"Forced to have sex with trolls," huh? Do you see how hypocritical you're being? You complain about not being good-looking enough to attract hot guys, then you turn around and put down the men who are attracted to you because they're not hot enough.
In other words you're exhibiting the same superficial mentality of the men that you say "turn up their noses" at you.
Gay or straight, it's easy to get bitter if you're not conventionally attractive in this world. But there's so much more to landing a man than good looks. I know guys who have such a dynamic personality, warmth and humor that they can practically talk their way into anybody's bed. (I am by no means conventionally handsome -- nor young by today's standards --but I'm often surprised how young and attractive many of my partners are.) A lot has to do with self-confidence and your own attitude toward yourself and others. If you walk into a bar with an "attitude," glaring at all those around you who dare not to be attracted to you, you
will probably turn off anyone who does find you attractive.
Let's get past this hokey, old-fashioned notion that all gay men -- or even most -- are superficially obsessed with youth and looks. Sure, everybody likes a good-looking guy, but you have to expand upon what "good-looking" is. In the gay bear community, for instance, paunches, bald heads, and hairy bodies -- turn-offs to many gay men -- are assets. There are other attributes, such as masculinity, a sense of humor, a sheer vibrant sensuality, that can make up for a lack of traditional good looks.
You can't blame "hot" guys for going after other hot guys when you yourself are doing the same thing.
The truth is most men -- gay or straight -- do not conform to the buff body, chiseled features stereotype of the professional male model or porn star (not all of whom are universally lusted after in any case. I frequently see models and porn stars that I am not in the least attracted to, and vice versa, I'm sure). But most men still get laid and find love, right? Stop being trapped by your own narrow vision of what's attractive.
With a new attitude, less hatred for yourself and contempt for others who don't fit neatly into the "hot" category, you may find not only hot safe sex but love.
Remember that some of those "trolls" are in their own way attractive men who are looking for love just as you are.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Gay Men and Alcohol
Are most gay men alcoholics? Anon.
There is no reason to think that most gay men are alcoholics any more than most straight men are alcoholics. There have been studies of substance abuse and alcoholism in gay men -- which certainly exists -- but to my knowledge no comparisons with heterosexual men have been made -- which would have built-in complications in any case. First there's the question of how MSM (men who have sex with men) identity: gay? bi? -- some guys have sex with other guys and insist they're straight (sure) or at least are leading a "straight life" with a partner of the opposite sex. Studies dealing with sexual orientation are always tricky.
Some feel that gays are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol because of the underlying shame some feel about being gay. Internalized homophobia certainly exists -- and can certainly lead to substance abuse -- but nowadays there are a great many more gays who have absolutely no shame or guilt over their orientation. Then there's the fact that some gays might abuse drugs/alcohol not out of any shame, but for the same reasons that straights do : disappointment in life or love and all the other problems that beset humanity no matter what our orientation.
Life can be tough for all of us, and some people deal with it by abusing drugs or alcohol. In my opinion -- and based on my own observations over many years -- gay men are no more likely to do this than any other segment of the population.
There is no reason to think that most gay men are alcoholics any more than most straight men are alcoholics. There have been studies of substance abuse and alcoholism in gay men -- which certainly exists -- but to my knowledge no comparisons with heterosexual men have been made -- which would have built-in complications in any case. First there's the question of how MSM (men who have sex with men) identity: gay? bi? -- some guys have sex with other guys and insist they're straight (sure) or at least are leading a "straight life" with a partner of the opposite sex. Studies dealing with sexual orientation are always tricky.
Some feel that gays are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol because of the underlying shame some feel about being gay. Internalized homophobia certainly exists -- and can certainly lead to substance abuse -- but nowadays there are a great many more gays who have absolutely no shame or guilt over their orientation. Then there's the fact that some gays might abuse drugs/alcohol not out of any shame, but for the same reasons that straights do : disappointment in life or love and all the other problems that beset humanity no matter what our orientation.
Life can be tough for all of us, and some people deal with it by abusing drugs or alcohol. In my opinion -- and based on my own observations over many years -- gay men are no more likely to do this than any other segment of the population.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Gay does not = Drag
No offense, but why do gay men like to dress up as women? Anon.
No offense, but generally we don't You're confusing homosexuals with transvestites, many of whom are actually heterosexual. When a man is both a homosexual and a transvestite (or cross-dresser), we call him a "drag queen." Drag queen culture is very colorful, which is why it seems so prominent in the gay scene. During Gay Pride parades and marches, the cameras will often zoom in on the drag queens and other colorful participants and ignore the more "ordinary" gay people. For the same reason the gay media often presents a disproportionate amount of cross-dresser portrayals in movies and documentaries. Some "drag queens" may be transsexuals who are in various stages of transitioning from (biological) male to female.
Drag queens are only a small percentage of the gay community although the media may make it seem as if most, if not all, gay men are drag queens. In truth, most gay men are very happy as men, have no real "identification" with females (as many drag queens do), and have no desire to dress up as women. Many feel the gay community would be quite a bit duller without its drag queens while some butch gay guys get awfully tired of the constant confusion between gays and transvestites.
No offense, but generally we don't You're confusing homosexuals with transvestites, many of whom are actually heterosexual. When a man is both a homosexual and a transvestite (or cross-dresser), we call him a "drag queen." Drag queen culture is very colorful, which is why it seems so prominent in the gay scene. During Gay Pride parades and marches, the cameras will often zoom in on the drag queens and other colorful participants and ignore the more "ordinary" gay people. For the same reason the gay media often presents a disproportionate amount of cross-dresser portrayals in movies and documentaries. Some "drag queens" may be transsexuals who are in various stages of transitioning from (biological) male to female.
Drag queens are only a small percentage of the gay community although the media may make it seem as if most, if not all, gay men are drag queens. In truth, most gay men are very happy as men, have no real "identification" with females (as many drag queens do), and have no desire to dress up as women. Many feel the gay community would be quite a bit duller without its drag queens while some butch gay guys get awfully tired of the constant confusion between gays and transvestites.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Mature Action
I'm a fifty-four-year-old gay man who thought that all the fun was behind him, but I've put myself out there -- on line and in bars -- and am having more sex today than I did twenty years ago. My God -- I get laid practically every time I go out, and I can't believe how many men contact me on gay dating sites for older men. Even guys twenty years younger! I'm not so special but apparently there's someone for everyone. I try to play safe at all times, of course. I'm just here to say that there definitely is gay life for those of us who are fifty and beyond. Brian
Brian, I'm not sure if you're asking a question or just bragging, you little devil, LOL. Seriously, you've hit the nail on the head. Of course there's more to "gay life" than sex, but sex is certainly a big part of it. Good for you! I think younger people might be less depressed about getting older if they knew that the, ahem, joys of life continue even in middle and senior years, and this is true for straights as well as gays. As for "trying to play safe," don't just try -- do it! HIV and other SDT infection is rising in men above the age of 50, the downside of all that action. But that's no reason to take alarm. Use condoms (even if you're a top), shower within thirty minutes after sex, avoid risky behavior, get yourself tested regularly, and it's not a bad idea to get to know a potential sex partner first and find out about his sexual history if you can. You can be safe and have a great time as well! I'm looking forward to my fifties, which are rapidly approaching. Way to go, guy!
Brian, I'm not sure if you're asking a question or just bragging, you little devil, LOL. Seriously, you've hit the nail on the head. Of course there's more to "gay life" than sex, but sex is certainly a big part of it. Good for you! I think younger people might be less depressed about getting older if they knew that the, ahem, joys of life continue even in middle and senior years, and this is true for straights as well as gays. As for "trying to play safe," don't just try -- do it! HIV and other SDT infection is rising in men above the age of 50, the downside of all that action. But that's no reason to take alarm. Use condoms (even if you're a top), shower within thirty minutes after sex, avoid risky behavior, get yourself tested regularly, and it's not a bad idea to get to know a potential sex partner first and find out about his sexual history if you can. You can be safe and have a great time as well! I'm looking forward to my fifties, which are rapidly approaching. Way to go, guy!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Of Lesbians and Transsexual Men
Why do lesbians become transsexual men? R.J. Atlanta.
I don't think they do in general. Transsexuals and homosexuals (lesbians are female homosexuals) are not the same thing. Homosexuals are attracted romantically and sexually to members of their own sex. A transsexual is someone who feels they were born into the wrong body. They are, for instance, biologically male, with male sex organs, but they feel and act and think as female. Or vice versa. Because of this they "transition" from one sex to another via a sex-change operation. This includes hormone shots, therapy, and so on, and is a long and difficult -- and probably frightening -- process in some ways, as no transsexual can ever be certain how things will turn out. Some transsexuals are proudly "out" about their status; others prefer to "pass," so to speak, and keep it secret. Some people fully transition, changing their sex organs; others retain the sexual organs they were born with for varying reasons. [Here I'm gonna stop because it gets complicated and I've never claimed to be an expert on transsexuality.]
As for your specific question, there have apparently been cases of people wanting to change their sex even though their therapists and other experts feel it's a bad idea or that they aren't really transsexual. I suppose this can happen with both gay men and lesbians who are uncomfortable with their sexual orientation, but I don't think it happens very often. Some people go "underground" to get the drugs and hormones they need and the results are often said to be disastrous.
It's safe to say, however, that there isn't an "epidemic" of lesbians transitioning into men. Most lesbians are perfectly happy being women.
I think what has you confused is that some female-to-male transsexuals do identify as lesbians before they recognize that they are really transsexual. Once they realize their true nature, however, they also realize that they were never, in a sense, lesbians; they were always -- in the psychological if not biological sense -- men attracted to women. They engaged in homosexual activity almost by default because they had female bodies. Sometimes "heterosexual" women who transition into men become gay men afterwards, and feel they were always gay men no matter what biological body they were in. To further confuse the issue, there are cases of women who were attracted to women before the change, and then become attracted to men afterward, going -- in one sense -- from straight to gay and vice versa. (But be advised this does not mean that a gay person's sexual orientation can be changed.)
Many transsexuals are not gay.
I don't think they do in general. Transsexuals and homosexuals (lesbians are female homosexuals) are not the same thing. Homosexuals are attracted romantically and sexually to members of their own sex. A transsexual is someone who feels they were born into the wrong body. They are, for instance, biologically male, with male sex organs, but they feel and act and think as female. Or vice versa. Because of this they "transition" from one sex to another via a sex-change operation. This includes hormone shots, therapy, and so on, and is a long and difficult -- and probably frightening -- process in some ways, as no transsexual can ever be certain how things will turn out. Some transsexuals are proudly "out" about their status; others prefer to "pass," so to speak, and keep it secret. Some people fully transition, changing their sex organs; others retain the sexual organs they were born with for varying reasons. [Here I'm gonna stop because it gets complicated and I've never claimed to be an expert on transsexuality.]
As for your specific question, there have apparently been cases of people wanting to change their sex even though their therapists and other experts feel it's a bad idea or that they aren't really transsexual. I suppose this can happen with both gay men and lesbians who are uncomfortable with their sexual orientation, but I don't think it happens very often. Some people go "underground" to get the drugs and hormones they need and the results are often said to be disastrous.
It's safe to say, however, that there isn't an "epidemic" of lesbians transitioning into men. Most lesbians are perfectly happy being women.
I think what has you confused is that some female-to-male transsexuals do identify as lesbians before they recognize that they are really transsexual. Once they realize their true nature, however, they also realize that they were never, in a sense, lesbians; they were always -- in the psychological if not biological sense -- men attracted to women. They engaged in homosexual activity almost by default because they had female bodies. Sometimes "heterosexual" women who transition into men become gay men afterwards, and feel they were always gay men no matter what biological body they were in. To further confuse the issue, there are cases of women who were attracted to women before the change, and then become attracted to men afterward, going -- in one sense -- from straight to gay and vice versa. (But be advised this does not mean that a gay person's sexual orientation can be changed.)
Many transsexuals are not gay.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Don Juan Homosexuals
What is a "Don Juan homosexual" and are there many of them? Anon.
You don't hear the term much anymore but a Don Juan homosexual is a man who sleeps with and/or gets involved romantically with many, many women because he can't deal with his homosexuality and wants to prove to himself and others that he's a "man." He takes the notion that a "virile" man must be heterosexual too literally. You would think that Gay Liberation would have eradicated most of these guys, but they still exist. There are men who have had several marriages (none successful) and many children who are actually repressed homosexuals -- they can sleep with women successfully but their main sexual attraction is to men. Some of these guys do have sex with men but do it on the "downlow," ashamed of their feelings and actions. They often have a "macho" meat-headed mindset, but Don Juan homosexuals can often be the more intellectual type. Some of them go their entire lives without having gay sex. They have low self-esteem and it's important for them to be seen as heterosexual, "manly" men and studly lover boys. Their marriages often end not because they cheat with men but with women, each time hoping that this new conquest will be the woman who will convince them forevermore that they're "normal."
Sad, really.
You don't hear the term much anymore but a Don Juan homosexual is a man who sleeps with and/or gets involved romantically with many, many women because he can't deal with his homosexuality and wants to prove to himself and others that he's a "man." He takes the notion that a "virile" man must be heterosexual too literally. You would think that Gay Liberation would have eradicated most of these guys, but they still exist. There are men who have had several marriages (none successful) and many children who are actually repressed homosexuals -- they can sleep with women successfully but their main sexual attraction is to men. Some of these guys do have sex with men but do it on the "downlow," ashamed of their feelings and actions. They often have a "macho" meat-headed mindset, but Don Juan homosexuals can often be the more intellectual type. Some of them go their entire lives without having gay sex. They have low self-esteem and it's important for them to be seen as heterosexual, "manly" men and studly lover boys. Their marriages often end not because they cheat with men but with women, each time hoping that this new conquest will be the woman who will convince them forevermore that they're "normal."
Sad, really.
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