Daddies -- or not!

What exactly is a daddy? I'm completely confused as to how old a man is supposed to be before he's considered a daddy? Thank you. 

The term "daddy" was originally meant to be a gay man who was also a senior citizen, that is a man who is either retired or on social security, early to mid-sixties or older. It was separate from the term "sugar daddy" -- a man with bucks who supports a young man -- although the two can sometimes be the same. 

Now the term "daddy" has pretty much become meaningless and simply means an older man. This doesn't necessarily mean middle-aged, either. On the gay dating site Daddyhunt the "daddies" often look like 32-year-old porn stars (and often are). But guys in their twenties think of these thirty-somethings as "older men" -- in other words, daddies. Of course this is ridiculous. The site Silver Daddies and some well-known "bear" sites actually feature attractive mature men -- mature meaning at least forty and frequently older, including seniors -- but Daddyhunt is pretty much just a silly marketing tool. It's from the same people as Manhunt and isn't much different. 

I imagine in time the whole "daddy" concept will go back to what it meant originally. In any case, it's just another indication of age discrimination -- the truly older guy can't get a break. 

32-year-old "daddies" indeed!

Crooked penis question

As a young gay man, I find your blog not only entertaining but incredibly informative. I’ve asked myself quite a few of the questions you’ve answered like, “are most gay men alcoholics?” I wanted to ask you about a particular erectile dysfunction many of your readers are sure to find very interesting—penile curvature. I’ve been face-to-face with this issue, but most men don’t realize that more than 1.4 million men in the U.S. suffer from penile curvature. This ailment is called Peyronie’s disease and it’s characterized by the formation of a plaque or hardened scar tissue beneath the skin of a man’s penis, which may lead to a painful curved erection. Have you heard of it?

The scariest part is that 50% of primary care physicians don’t think there is a treatment that works. There is this community called www.menshealthpd.com that is helping to set matters straight (pun very intended). The site equips men and doctors with information about signs and symptoms, and a full listing of the treatment options and how well each works. It also has a physician finder.

Since penile curvature can be a touchy subject, I figured you talking about it might motivate men and their partners to address the issue. There’s a public forum for the community where men can anonymously share experiences amongst themselves.

I’d love for you to take a peek around the site and share your feedback with your readers. Feel free to contact me with any questions. YG.

Many thanks for this information and for your comments. No, I had not heard of this and I'm happy to share information about it. Peyronie's is caused by an injury (sometimes during sex) or other kind of trauma to the penis, and is characterized by the formation of hardened scar tissue beneath the skin of the penis that my lead to curvature and pain during erection. Typically it affects men aged 45 - 65, but mostly in the mid-fifties. Sometimes surgery is required to repair the damage, but doctors carefully discuss the options with the affected patient and his partner. There are things that can be done for this!

The web site cited above provides much information about this, as well as support for sufferers.

Thanks again for bringing this to my attention.

Doomed Infatuation

I fear my friend is heading down a dark path. He has become very good friends -- or so he says -- with a much younger man who identifies as straight. My friend says his feelings for this younger man are strictly platonic, but the way he goes on about him it is very clear that he is smitten. I believe the young man is deeply conflicted and in any case will ultimately never allow any older gay man to become too close to him; the possibility of any real relationship is remote. I'm afraid my friend is going to get very hurt but I don't know what to do about it. George.

Sometimes, sadly, there isn't anything you can do about it. If he's in a deep denial about his true feelings for this young man -- or if he just won't talk about it honestly with you -- then there's not a lot you can do. I suspect that you've tried to draw him out on the subject, but he resists. Hopefully as he becomes ever more infatuated he'll turn to his friends for comfort and advice. The best thing you can probably do is be there for him when the ultimate letdown arrives. You're right that young, conflicted men often turn on the older gay men that have been there for them (sometimes out of their own needs, admittedly) and it's never very pretty. A good friend who will listen and help build up his self-esteem, reminding him that there are people who care about him even if his "beloved" does not, will provide some sort of comfort and support.

In the meantime, introduce him to some gay guys his own age who might take his mind off the conflicted pup. The easiest way to get over an infatuation is to meet someone new who can play back your feelings instead of constantly pining for the unattainable.