Gay Former Brother-in-Law

I belong to a gay men's dating site and a few weeks ago came across a familiar profile -- it was my former brother-in-law. I had no idea he was gay, and I doubt if my sister did either, but as we're not close I doubt she would tell me anyway. I always thought he was hot, and according to his profile he's looking for a relationship. I would love to get in touch with him, and as he and my sister have been divorced for several years... Would this be an okay thing to do? Barry

That depends. There are several things to consider. If he's in the closet, the last person he wants to hear from is his gay former brother-in-law -- who probably knows a lot of the people he knows, I assume. Your sister and you may not be close, but you'll hardly get closer if you wind up in a relationship with her ex. Sure, they've both moved on, but that doesn't mean she wants to deal with him at family gatherings, especially if she learns that her whole marriage might have been a sham. The whole thing has a kind of "icky" feel to it. Did the two of you have a good rapport when he was married? You may think he's hot but maybe he doesn't feel the same way about you, sorry. The fact that you didn't pick up on his attraction to men -- unless he was really good at keeping that part of him hidden -- may indicate his disinterest. Even if he's attracted to you he may not have the slightest interest in hooking up with his ex-wife's brother!

If you contact him at all, why not contact him and just say "hi" and tell him you want to give him your support. Let him make the next move. You may not get a lover but you may find a grateful friend.