Gay Nephew Coming Out to Girlfriend

My nephew has realized that he's gay and wants to come out to his girlfriend. Any suggestions? TP.

Well, he could always take her to a gay bar and start making out with the bartender.

Seriously, there's only one way to do this and that's for him to sit her down and have a talk with her. I don't know how long they've been dating or how much she's into your nephew, but this is not something that he should postpone. It may be that the girlfriend will say that she already suspected, or she may be completely surprised. [Which happens more than people imagine. Women frequently say "I would know" but they base this assertion on stereotypes, and most gay men don't conform to them.] Your nephew may be able to turn what was once a potentially romantic relationship -- at least as far as the girlfriend is concerned -- into a solid friendship. Or the girlfriend may have to avoid your nephew in order to get over him.

In any case, it wouldn't be fair for him to string her along. Sadly, some gay guys -- especially those who are struggling to come out or are fresh out of the closet --sort of hold onto the girlfriend until they're comfortable enough with their sexuality to come out to everyone. This is especially true if the guy is very close to the girlfriend; she's his best friend. Meanwhile the girlfriend is making plans for the wedding!

As soon as a guy comes to the incontrovertible conclusion that he's homosexual, it's time to tell the girlfriend that their relationship has to end -- or metamorphose into something entirely different.

Straight Women Dating Gay Men

Why do so many women seem to want to date gay men? I can't tell you how often a woman has introduced me to her boyfriend and he seems like a big queen to me. What's up with that? R.

Okay, LOL. Yes, there are men who jump right off the gaydar screen and who have girlfriends. We have to remember that just as there are many gay men who are very non-stereotypical and masculine, there are straight guys who are kind of "girlish;" they're not always gay, believe it or not (okay, okay, maybe one or two aren't). On the other hand, there are many closeted gay men who have girlfriends, and the girlfriends deal with it in several ways. Either they are so in love with the guy that they don't care (a kind of pathetic "he can fuck a guy now and then as long as he comes home to me" attitude); they wishfully perceive him as a bi guy who happened to fall in love with a woman and will never need sex with a man again; or they've convinced themselves -- simply because they have sex -- that he can't possibly be gay no matter how many stereotypical traits he may have. Some women always have a sneaking suspicion about their boyfriends, while others haven't got a clue.

Probably some women prefer "effeminate" men (gay or straight) because they think they can bond with them easier than they can with a "macho" type, that they'll be more sensitive, caring, "womanly." There is no good reason to assume that this is the case, of course. Then we still have pathetic women with pre-Stonewall mind-sets, who think the ultimate challenge or test of their "womanhood" is to go to bed with a gay guy. I once met a woman who "collected" gay boyfriends, the ultimate "fag hag." Some effeminate men are so handsome that the women want them no matter what.

This is the 21st century. There are plenty of perfectly nice straight guys (not to mention the bi-identified) for straight women to play around with. They should leave the gay gays alone.

Gay men should be with gay men.